my retardedness

2008-07-07T10:14:00.000-07:00

will be will be..

don'te wish to see you that often..
don'te wish to have any eye contact while talking.. (i'd rather look somewhere else)
don'te wish to care at all ( i just can't help, but will still do it)
don'te wish to listen to any more things, coz it still hurts (at times)

BUT

while getting hurt, am i getting anyone involved?
is there someone somewhere feeling my pain too?
if that's the case, i shan't confide in her that much.
i don'te want anyone to feel my pain..

i'd rather be as happy as i could..
though i know im not reallie..
i have to try..

don'te wanna try don'te wanna try don'te wanna try no more..
i forgot the lyrics..

i just wanna cook.. hahaha..

who wish to be my guinea pig?

Birthday was great. nope superb.. i was on cloud nine when i saw that digi cam.. very big thank you to S.D, christmin, feng tong lei and carmen, TOMOALIGATOGONZAMASISHITA.

Next present, made me melt~ presenting: Fossil watch, from yusaishoku staff.. so touching neh. haha i feel so pampered and fortunate. Big thank you to: my bro cyrus, the one who went to choose the watch: jia hui, the rest who fork out money: ivy lao jie, juliet the miss blush blush, jeff mr niang, auntie susan miss cute auntie, grace the grass, linda the hot mom.. erm i think thats all right?

although cakes all over my face, but still im happy..
sorry ade i smashed the cake, but thank you very much.. the cake was yum yum.

unforgettable Birthday.. thank you for turning up everyone, you made my day..

this is my 340 post

2008-06-11T10:56:00.001-07:00

i pressume not many ppl will turn up for my chalet, got a feeling though.. i hope all of u guys will turn up seriously.. i haven seen many friends, buddies for very long time, this will be the place to reminisce the past? i missed the good old times.. i don'te care how drunk will i get on that day.. i just wanna be really happy.. well, after that i will be joining Yusaishoku as a supervisor. so yea..

well had the same nightmare again.. i only told s.d abt that.
is it becoz of the days drewing near?
or am i.....

don want to think so much..

i only want to be happy..

fairprice

2008-06-01T02:07:00.000-07:00

went fairprice with mom and dad. after getting quite a lot of stuff, the queue is horribly long. cause some ppl is preparing for war. two trolley full of food. oh my gosh. or they buying for the ppl at sichuan, 4 carton of eggs. cholestrol man.. an egg a meal 1 inch on your belly. we queued on the longer ones, coz mom thought it will be faster since the ones infront of us beside that 2 waruls, it should be faster. but i have a better sight. coz that fairprice butch was faster than that 2 man counter i was queueing pls.

The moral of the story is: actuallie 2 dicks is not as strong as half dick.
ouch to all dickheads.

and anyway the prices is fairprice aren't that fair anyway.

Birthday wishlist

2008-06-01T01:41:00.000-07:00

im here to inform ppl that i have a chalet on 28 june, which is my bdae.
And i wish i could have either of these for my Birthday: Fossil Fuel watch.
New Digi Cam
nice tee from that design shop
cool trucker caps
nice belt
Get me any of this, i will be a happy bung. (do u want me to be happy?) smirk
Booze and Food will be on me.

thats abt all. the rest i will buy myself. haha.
Ku990 handphone
that bag
new closet

living in denial

2008-03-04T08:40:00.000-08:00

living in denial- its just a phrase i will keep popping up in any conversation or to anyone for this period of time.
talk a bit of wat happened then. the verdict is, im loving the dead. she's lonely but just wana be single. wats so wrong was, the ex couples went out tgt. to furu bath and swimming. and that piony is a liar. he didnt turned up.

oh ya i told steffan, my heart's dead, my liver is hardening soon, my lungs are half filled with tar, i predict by the age of 35 the whole left side of my body will be paralyzed.hahaha.

i might be falling for the present, but deeply in love with the dead.

let me present to you this song.
i was listening to it when walking home.

A hundred days have made me older
(liar)
since the last time that I saw your pretty face
(pretty, but wasn't as pretty as before)
A thousand lies had made me colder
(obviously i learnt)
and I don’t think I can look at this the same
(yea, once beaten, twice shy)
all the miles that separate,
disappear now when I’m dreaming of your face

I’m here without you baby
(yes, u're dead)
but you're still on my lonely mind
(yes, never left my cells, ever since the day u walk)
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
(always when my mind's empty)
I’m here without you baby
(yes, u're dead)
but you're still with me in my dreams
(yes, my sadistic fairytale)
And tonight it’s only you and me
(god took my precious gift away)

The miles just keep rolling as the people leave their way to say hello
(thats when i became polite)

I've heard this life is overrated but I hope that it gets better as we go
(if only )
I’m here without you baby

bye love

2008-02-24T10:13:00.001-08:00

heaved a sigh. its been ages, this prolly my last entry for this L.O.V.E blog. this blog sees us through. so its time to end it. leave it. let it rot. let passer by to drop by and read the love. leaving this love behind, coz i have no love in me anymore. not for the near future.

i don'te need love, i might need a guinea pig. to test the food i cook next time. i decided to go RITC, to be a chef. i want to wear that cool uniform soon pls. even though i have to put CHEF WONG or CORINA WONG. its still cool. my career.

no more jokes, im no longer young, might die soon also. i don know its sprained back or kidney prob.

nothing's more impt than career.

ask me that stupid joke, i might tell. hahaha. i only told daddy though. i feel so money-minded.

leaving everything to fate. (love)
bye bye L.O.V.E

2007-12-19T07:14:00.000-08:00

off today. supposed to meet sha sha. but she didnt pick up my call, neither did she replied my msg ytd. woke up around ten plus, lay on the sofa, watching the time past. till like 12, i decided to call her. to prolly wake her up, she sounds very weak, she told me she's sick. so i said lets meet out for lunch, just near her house, cause i know she are'nt feeling well, and my protection is with her. i don'te know is it coincidence or wat, i just withdrew money and the bus is here. when i was checking the time, the other bus to her house is here too. everything was so smooth though. waited a while, i saw her pale look, really looked very sick. chat a bit asked her how's the trip and everything. she got me some tarts. prolly it was'nt easy getting it, cause they were always in the hotel. after lunch, asked her whether she wanna see the doc. so yup, went to doc. she's having fever though. saw this very cute dog.. so cute so small.. she insisted on working. so yup i let her be. im worried. seriously worried.
pls take care..

2007-12-18T01:23:00.000-08:00

im seating in mac now. trying to blog. don know what to blog though. feel like convincing my mom so i could leave the country. as in with her, i couldnt find anyone else that could. i want to have a gathering during christmas with my chickens. but it doesnt seems that appealing as i donnoe everyone's free or do they wanna face each other. its very political.im also afraid some might not turn up. if new year, i have to count my stocks and do the necessarily things. kinda bad day.

i actuallie found the course i wanna take, just have to let mom know thats all.

i tear before i slept ytd.
i miss you so much. can i even tell you that?
sigh.....
don force me to take that ring out.
let me do it myself.
i know when im ready.

2007-12-14T08:42:00.000-08:00

am trying to blog now. been drinking and smoking quite alot these few days. been thinking abt you too. the last look of you, engraved deeply into my head. still missing you. upon that, been very concentrated with work. truely missing you very badly, but heard that tone just now. seems like there aren't much chances for us. there's nothing much i could do. feelings will fade i guess. but still gonna wait. i will still wear the ring till i know i have totally put you down. till i know i could reallie be your fren, thats when i will face you. the rest just let fate, god whoever decides then.
just went to prata session with douglas my new manager, rina my new collegue and ivy my new manager trainee. wow, i learn alot from them though, starting to like my new collegue. the way she do work. brains not working, tired man. oh josh, joining me at bishamon. cool right. he's getting more and more fit though. i think its time to hit the gym too. flabby everywhere. haha. he said, he will whack me, i said bring it on. i wanna have healthy and nice muscles. pardon me, my brains kinda sleepy.

i don remember much abt wat i wanna blogged.
take care
i know u wanna be alone.
i wont harass or pester you.
don'te feel like joining kfc.
but if i don'te,
no reasons to go down and maybe see you.
wat shld i do.

oh am looking forward to 31th cause its my last day being a full timer. will be the most hectic day too. let's have some fun on that day too. thought of learning how to be a bartender. since im interested in wine and liquor. made up mind to go take my theory next yr jan. get it done and over.

its real, no turning back.

2007-12-07T08:30:00.000-08:00

Im just staring in the screen, cause I couldn’t connect into my blog. Tears kept dripping down my face. Heart hurts a lot. Playing music that I shouldnt played. The music of us. You are my everything, you know? Baby. I can no longer call you that. You don belong to me already. I asked her a lot of things. Whether can I this or that. Im asking too much. While talking to her, the cab ad puts Jaywalking kills. I felt like letting the cars bang me. Fly and bye everyone. That’s the end of me. No hurt no pain. Im selfish. But I didn’t been thru smth like that before. Not that long. Its going to be our anni soon. It’s the between the 7th to 8th dec.
this was wat i wanted to blog previously.

tears still dripping though. actuallie i had this feeling after wat happened to cyrus. got this feeling that you will leave me. im just trying to lie to myself that its not. you broke the lie, because you wouldnt want to hurt me no more. but it reallie hurts to know the truth.
don leave me will you, i feel so fragile w/o you.

A surprise turns out to be a disaster

2007-10-09T08:59:00.000-07:00

I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cried
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie
Is made up on your side
When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it okay
I miss you
I've never felt this way before

Everything that I do
Reminds me of you
And the clothes you left
They lie on the floor
And they smell just like you
I love the things that you do
When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it ok
I miss you
We were made for each other Out here forever
I know we were Yeah, yeah
And all I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I do I give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe
I need to feel you here with me Yeah
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear will always get me through the day
And make it ok
I miss you

went out with joy ytd, like finally.
its been so long since i last met him. we were busy. cut my hair. went to bugis.
wanted to give my baby a little surprise.
supposed to get keychains for her. its for the keys i made.
but instead i got us rings.
was satisfied with the rings i bought. went to GWC
to look for jo.
and cabbed home tgt.
i pissed joy off.
im sorry, maybe its just distance that i felt between us.
i was happily home, preparing everything, that i have.
even took pictures. made presentation.
waiting for baby's arrival.
the surprise did shock her. but not to my expectations.
when we went to the room,
i told her i sense the love from her wasn't there.
i was'nt being sensitive.
my intuition was right.
her feelings confused, she don'te know wat she wants.
i learnt my lessons, by not shouting at her.
talk to her. accompained her cry.
at that moment i told her, i so hope u can have that kind of thinking u used to have,
abt forgetting wat happened the next day.
so that we can still be a couple.
my naive moments.
i know it will not happened.
well, we still react normally the next day
i know my heart hurts badly,
but i still talk to her nicely, normally.
i almost felt like crying the whole time.
but i bear it for almost 12hours.
till i cried in the train alone, when i was going home.
when i saw ur msg
never aspect you to call.
was rather shock and don'te know wat to say.
sigh.
i so wanna club drink and vomit and cry non stop.

baby, im prepared for watever answer you wanna give,
i don'te want to pester you nor disturb you.
i love you, my ring and me will still wait for you.
no one is qualified for that ring, except you.

just felt this song came in the right time.
so i just put this up.
well buds, this is wat happened.
im fine. don'te ask.
thanks. much appreciated.

i will blog more, i promise

2007-09-24T08:45:00.000-07:00

its been one and a three quarter month since i typed an entry.well connection sucks so i have to move around the house at times to look for connection. well i get fed up with it most of the time. don'te ask me to get a connection. i don'te see the need. unless i can get a laptop free. for my gf. but its okay i have a tight budget every month. don wish to tie myself down with too much of bills.well cause the bills wasnt paid by me at all. i consider that very fortunate.

i don'te know wat to start with, well me and pig have been tgt for 9th months. three quarts of the year. recently sick of working at that jap rest. seriously i think she can't be a supervisor over there. i cant stand her no more. looking for smth else, shouldn say afraid, should say sick of starting a new environment again. sounds as though im very old huh? i need a skill and a cert. looking tru that classified, i can see not much work is available for me at all. im starting to get nervous. so josie we need a school soon. and from wat i know, private schools only starts on april. thats wat sis say. ever since i start working over here, i fell sick super often. the aura over there is very bad. cause i was in kfc for years and i seldom fall sick. maybe because have to face and bear that fugly thing thats why makes me sick that often. felt kinda friendless previously but got one back. the best. but i still misses the rest. i meant the chickens.

ever since i left novena, i seldom contact with them.and soon no more contacts. well well well. ppl comes and go..

oh ya i bought the same phone for pig pig. pig pig never write anything about me...sob sob:(

why sob, baby? im uploading photo on ur friendster.
don'te get jealous.
I love you baby, you are always my dearest
and most important.
so i don'te have to tell you in, cause i don'te blog everyday.
but i see you almost everyday.
i do the lest impt things here.
cause you shld know that u're more impt than any of these.
give me a smile and a kiss when u see this
but not on the left cheek.
cause u just applied cream on it.

i don'te know wats wrong with my face,
im scared of getting acne man.
thanks to mom's mask.
it has more red pimple like thing.
and it itch.

see my pig coming in again.

friendster sucks, i shall ask her to join facebook too.

2007-08-01T01:03:00.000-07:00

been away from this cold virtual world for quite a long time. couldnt find much time to pick myelf up to type any entries. working almost everyday. most time spent in work, my sweets and fam. currently at work now. having break. not much to say. well prolly forgotten wat i wanna say. i only can say im sorry for being such a lousy, heartless,selfish ass.
am still extremely scared of that incident happened.

take care everyone.

2007-07-03T08:41:00.000-07:00

well pig pig wants me to blog. was reading my buds blog. well seems like im missing out on lots of things.
on the 24th we had a barbeque. had a great day. keane, cyrus and me were crowned the king of the night. but the kings ended up doing MOST of the jobs. haha, example starting the fire. barbequeing the food. haha. took lots of pics man. well with tiffie around, well shots everywhere we go. alot of crazy and funny shots taken. and played some brain teases. the one who lost had to drink the disgusting drink made by cyrus. i guessed everyone drank the disgusting drink. we got extra food from the other pit. becoz they couldnt finish.
on the 28th which is my birthday, had buffet at toa pa yo with mom,sis,ash,pig and special guest:josh. haha. he bought a spongebob for me! triple size the one i had. and its so cute. hahaha. pig dressed up cutely. we came in at 6.30pm. but end up only josh and me kept eating and eating. well its a day to slurge on this nice nice food. why not? after that went to watch movie. transformer. very nice. esp. the digital. wow bumblebee. horn horn! saw michael chan in the cinema too. he so loner, came to watch it alone. haha. poor RGM. had fun. oh ya, before the show i went to the arcade to play with em. but u know wat i was jacked by this young boy. he said smth like no, u cant turn if not u will flip. then he said smth like do you know how to play. i was like. i so want to strangle u pls. then i went to play basket ball. the shooting game. some kids came over and snatch my balls. wa, my bdae and kids come and bully me. not angry though. just feel kinda irritated. hmmm wa else. its just simple dinner, small entertainment.
parted with josh, went home. pig stayed over again. bought booze. hehehe. i bought 2 bottles only. i bought the least alcoholic drink for pig. BUT my pig still collasped. haha it was so cute and fun. left me sober and slept. i definitely had a great day. simple and nice
i fell sick on sun, maybe too much of tempura and fried food. i went home with a bloated stomach. kept wanting to vomit, running a temp. i was so touched my pig, she sneak out of her house and came to my rescue. her dad caught her, call her and gave a scolding. i knew it wasnt right when she came. so i kind of talk her out. in order to make her feel better. becoz its still kinda my fault.
thats abt all.
thank you for all the wishings and blessings.
missed you guys!

piggy koh here.

2007-06-22T11:32:00.000-07:00

pigg pigg koh here.
trying to blog at my darling's account.
both of us also every stressed today.
but lucky i saw her right away man.
my pig pig wong so funny today.pig kept dancing around in the house.
she made me looked at her weird-ly.
haha,dun know if there's such words "weird-ly".
doodoo...this is my first time blogging.hmmms.

i going to start school alrs. so trying to spent more time with her.
i enjoyed most of my days:) hope she feels so too! love her man (0.0)

my birthday present

2007-05-30T08:53:00.000-07:00

sweets asked me wat i want for birthday. nearly said christmas. haha. well bud asked me that too. reallie have no idea wat i want. there maybe nothing i reallie wanted. so i just told sweets i want psp,bike,N95,sony player etc. somethings tat is out of her budget.
you know why sweets?
because u are wat i always wanted for birthdays.

so i only want that hairy ape with 2 naked ladies beside jumping into the river.
and gatsby latest advertisement.
hahaha.

amended mistakes

2007-05-08T07:15:00.000-07:00

feeling lethargic right now.but i have got nothing much to do. so decided to blog. don wish to waste my brain cells just like that. well, had a fight with sweets few days ago. but was settled under this bridge,where we were feeding mosquitos. both of my feets are bitten. so were hers. we nearly ended everything there.after the fight, have been thinking alot. felt that i have changed alot. i know why after so long we still have some quietness and maybe awkwardness. i find that my egoistical overcomes me at times, having that stupid never wants to lose kind of attitude. and having that kind of attitude like as though i don'te trust her. and kept thinking she will leave me, irritated her. don'te know what's wrong with me. i think she felt that the corina she knows from the start had change tremendously. slowly changed to not the one she loves anymore. i shouldnt be so mean, and just speak my mind off, like nobody business. yes i may be right at times. jae, at times you are only right. but most of the time u were talking nonsense, finding excuses to defend yourself. felt so hermit. well im one of hermit's family. have some hermit genes i guess. defending myself so much till, i could said something like that. sigh. ultimate disgrace~ having you with me, i should careless abt anything else. and shouldnt listen to others or being manipulate by others should hold a strong stand that our love will blossom.
sweets, thank you for that forgiveness. thank you for holding on to loving me. thank you for doing those for me.
sweets, im not hard hearted, im soft hearted. sorry that at times i stand too much tme of yours till you feel as though you lost many of your friends. always say you very selfish. i think the most selfish one is me. i reallie feel very sleepy right now. i will edit it if i have more thoughts. i doubt thats all.

bored

2007-05-06T09:38:00.000-07:00

im feeling BORED!! very bored. i have like 2 off days. maybe not 2 off days its for me to rest. keep sleeping. im sleeping my brains cells away. i need to do smth. prolly is i want to do smth. to keep myself busy. im that kind of person i cannot be relaxed, unless im reallie tired. sweets i wish to type something nice. but my lappie only works when im grumpy. cause its happie when im sad.

2007-04-20T09:49:00.000-07:00

ytd i giggled alot at around 3 am. i laughed and do my work. when i typed my blog. i cried. then i laugh again. jasper was so scared of me. but today i cannot laugh. i was so tired in the morning. jasper and me slept at 5 am in the morning woke up 9 in the morning to pack up everything. and decide whether to paint or not. we didnt paint. but i got an acheivement we designed and drew on the A0 size paper. which is 1.2 by 1.5m length. kinda cool.

i donnoe how to talk to you.
the anger is there.

2007-04-19T09:51:00.000-07:00

well i don reallie want to write something sad over here. almost everytime i type my blog. its all abt things that are sad. it just clashes. i donnoe why. well, i have jasper here with me tonight to do project. level 0 ending soon. and soon i can get out of here, and do wat i want to major in. sweets sch started. tp super pervert pls. pervertic design sch please. do some stupid things over there. mass dance, fucking loads of cheers, midnight walk in sentosa. mad designers. well im the attitude designers. i meant the weird and the attitude one. thats me.
well i admit im also in the wrong.
but it seems like u don'te know that im worried abt you.
im always the one msging you. calling you.
well had fun till u forget me right?
understand.
yes i was being unreasonable in the afternoon.
fine.
why must u try to care ONLY AFTER every little arguments?
why must i always remind you?
i feel so tired, you know?
do i reallie mean so little to you?
u reallie make me feel so.
no matter how busy i am
i am having assessment, my final yr assessment.
i can dig out my fucking time because of you!
just a call or msg. so hard to press ar?
if im so unimportant to you.
leave pls.
stop hurting me this way.
i fucking don like this kind of feeling.
i have enough.
stop hurting me.

2007-04-08T01:59:00.000-07:00

i had infections on my ear. had on and off fever for 2 days. bed-ridden for 2 and half days. had flu and cough. mommy suspect i having dengue fever. but i wasnt. i felt stupid, as though the flu virus attacked my brain, and ate almost all of my cells. sounds kinda retarded here. but its true. or maybe lose too much blood. ear bled. having menses too. lose too much blood. sweets was so worried. she been taking care of me. i think i have been giving her sleepless night. sorry sweets. thank you for taking care of me. i felt guilty. jo, i need u to take the ring out. maybe im really not suitable for piercing.

nothing's impossible.

2007-04-03T02:48:00.000-07:00

sigh, mommy's nagging that sweets stay in our house wasting water and electric bill. well not just mom. dad too. i feel very sad. why she changed her mind so fast? first she say she like sweets, slowly. she changed. sigh. money changed ppl's mind alot man.haiz. sweets cant come my house alr. well i have to do smth else now. sweets 3 more weeks, give me these 3 more weeks, assessment will be over. i will have more time to acc you when u go school. and i will earn more money, i want to give you luxuries. more love, more time. spending more time with each other, doesnt need to always stay in my house yea. we can always do more many other things. we can go through every hurdles together. we can make it long
thank you for coming down ytd.
im so happy to see you.

im so excited.
your birthday coming!

destroyer

2007-03-19T08:54:00.000-07:00

angry
you tired, so am i?
i got sch, i slept at 2am
why?
becoz i want to read up on some of my design thing.
i still got think wat should i make it up to you for the 3rd mth
did u think abt me?
i want to share with you my happiness
wanted to sing u a new song.
a song that will tell you that no one can replace u.
nevermind.
now i don want to tell you.
i rather type in the blog.
im not being petty here.
you spoilt my every little plans.
thats it.
i don want to plan anymore!!
i don want to see you for this whole week!!

quick entry

2007-03-05T06:03:00.000-08:00

wanna message you.
but i know i cannot.
i have to be cruel.
if not nothing will change in this relationship.

i know im very mean towards you.
in order to aggrevate your anger.
(always do that, make me feel like the devil.the bastard.the jerk
actuallie im not.)
to make you angry
so we will fight.
if we don fight.
how you gonna know me well?
so don complain u don understand me
cause u are supposed to observe and quarrel with me.

miss you so much.
cannot say.
wanna see u so much.
cannot go down.
wanna hug u so much.
but i have to be cruel.

im sorry.

time out

2007-03-04T04:45:00.000-08:00

its been quite some time since i last blog.
haven really meet up with my sweets.
i feel that we are drifting apart slowly.
or am i drifting away from you? i don know.
we have some communication break down, here and there.
maybe she don realise it.
i don know hw to tell her.
shall we have a time out?
will things be better after my assessment?
wats the barrel between us?

2nd month anniversary

2007-02-18T07:29:00.000-08:00

well, i feel very bastard for making u cry on our anni.
now u are scared of me.
well i seriously think i was too demanding.
why wouldnt u want to slap me?
i think i deserve such slaps.
but if anyone wanna slap me,
tell me, scold me, then slap.
haven i always been very bastard lately?
wats gotta into me?
* miscommunications everywhere.
why? i talk mars?
or i heard aliens?
nothing always goes your way.
seriously it doesnt goes my way lately.

sweets, now i know wat u want.
so its me
thats adding too much to myself i guess
thinking too much i guess.
and donnoe whats with my attitude.
been very mean lately.
how?
maybe i should go for yoga or clubbing
wat extreme things.
haha
i want to be as sweet as possible towards you.
i want u to feel very loved.
(i want to feel loved too)
sweets, don be so generous abt me can?
be selfish.
if u reallie want to see me.
tell me
i wont find u irritating.
if u don'te.
i will feel that u don even care.

scold me.
be ANGRY if u need to
i don mind.

its all abt friends

2007-02-18T07:11:00.000-08:00

i was shocked to even receive your blessings.
seriously.
thinking back.
i felt rather or very petty not to send u my best wishes.
well, its over for such a long time.
i think its been long forgotten.
bad thoughts should be put behind.
thanks, fren.
i wont turn away when i see you on streets.
take care.
much misses.

well im highly sensitive.
be careful with words.
well im happily attached.
i don need ppl to say such things to me.
coz its not funny matter.
well if im not attached.
maybe u can say smth like that.
i donnoe whats lies beneath the future.

i didnt reallie mean to avoid such things.
i just don like such 'blessings' from them.
thats why i say i don want to spend cny in sing next yr and the following other yrs.
you won't understand.
probably u never ever get humilated
or looked down.
i also want a happy cny.
nevermind, u don understand.
i wont blame.
becoz u never stand in other's shoe to think.

determine

2007-02-13T06:23:00.001-08:00

well after that night i actuallie added a few stress towards my sweetheart. made her cry like several times, faz first time scold me bastard.
we'll i cant keep having the thinking that i must be the one that always take care of ppl.
i need care too. we'll i will stop pushing ur care away.
let's give each other time to get to know each other better.
i just hope u can be more observant.
sorry that im a weirdo.
lets work our future out.
sweets, choose the same course as me.
she's trying to snatch my bowl.
omg!! haha.
well, my sweets is smart. hope she can do well.
she have been very stress out lately.
shld pamper her more.
must be a real darling.
nowadays feeling very lethargic.
if i keep feeling this i cant do my work
nor concentrate man.
maybe i shld follow the ancient way
tie my hair up the celling.
so when i fall asleep while drawing
it will pull my hair back.
haha. its time to torture myself.
i don want to do my work last min anymore.
i hate it

i want to get out of here!
stupid foundation.

This is my first valentine day spending with my gf.
im happy and sad.
becoz lessons ends at 7. (which i might not be going)
i haven make anything for her yet.
coz she said we are not gonna celebrate it.
we'll postpone it to our anniversary.
but it falls on cny eve
how can i celebrate with you like that?
sigh.....

determine

2007-02-13T06:23:00.000-08:00

2007-02-09T08:48:00.000-08:00

i want u to understand me.
but it seems like im not opening myself up i guess.
not that i don want
im used to observing.
i can tell u many things. but u still wont know who i reallie am.
i cant tell you everything.
cause im a weird. seriously.
i even confuse myself up.
i can tell you i might not eat this, i might do this.
ended up i might do it and eat it.
but i didnt mean to contradict.
its me.
i donnoe how to explain myself.

im morally low

2007-01-27T05:04:00.000-08:00

well feeling rather low this few days. probably now i feel lower than the days before and more stress. firstly because my sweetheart is sick since wed. and i have projects piling up higher and higher. ideas don'te come easily nowadays. and my clique isnt motivating. they are gluttons. especially my ma the, everytime hungry. everytime she wants to eat and eat. im getting easily exhausted nowadays. coz i have to travel and travel. lacked of sleep. i think im gonna start doing my essay now.

2007-01-16T20:08:00.000-08:00

yeah. so happy. today's my 1st monthsary.

happy moments

2007-01-13T22:39:00.000-08:00

before i start doing my projects, i wanna blog a little. friday, went out with jo and josh. because josh wanna get a new wardrobe. he got me irritated at first, because he keep telling me he doesnt know what style he wants. where he even want to get. all he answered me was:'i donnoe'. 'i've no idea'. so we walked from fareast to lucky plaza to wisma to heeren and cinni. at least he got some things he liked. he look nice with green. bright green. went topman, chose quite alot of clothes and jeans for him. quite nice. quite style. but the price a bit too steep. kinda over his budget. after that, met my sweetheart, walked around heeren then went to cinni, to have some food at our usual place. played xbox with jo and sweetheart. saw this very big poster' mr and mrs norbit'. one of eddie murphy movie. omg, that lady is SUPER big. beyond obese. it gonna be one of the most hilarious show of the year i guess.. im gonna catch it. and have a good laugh. had a great time spent with my buddy and bro. but i missed that babi working in 7 eleven, who doesnt want to join us. if not it will be more fun. because he wont let me sleep on that crouch.

ytd was working at shaw, my dear gf nearly think that she lost her phone. was working, feng and rey came, so i asked them to call my sweetheart to meet them, cause i scared she will be bored at home or smth. she didnt pick up. so i called. also never picked up. suddenly she msg me using her aunt no. saying she misplaced her phone. and she will come down later around 8 plus to come find me. she appear wearing a jacket and she look totally pale and sick. i was worried. she's having flu and all.
daniel came down too. wearing all white, acting like a prince. haha. well he always wear like that.
my gf in the office keep sneezing and all, so i keep feeding her with warm water. i wasnt concentrating on my work. so sort of got scolded by my sister. whole day been complaining her nose hurts. prolly too heaty. abt her and faz, i donnoe wat to say. coz i cant do much. i know she love faz. just that she was controlled by smth. sigh. i cant do anything. i just hope bro will be fine. went 7 eleven with daniel and sweetheart, bought her lots of lozenges, flu medicine, panadols. and bought a banana for myself. haha.
amin worked towner, so is penguin. he told us that we saved his life, coz of waimun. haha. left. sweetheart was puzzled, because she donnoe when to take off. because she only have 1 off day. moreover our anni is this coming wed. our 1st anni. her aunt gonna move house, and gonna move some furniture over to her house, so she have to packed her house.
so i told her this. and her frowny face changed. to a big smiley face.

take the off day to pack your house.
don worry abt not having to spent time with me during our anni.
as long as our anni is in our heart.
anniversary is to tell us how long we have been tgt.
as long as we spent quality time tgt.
having to celebrate our anni anot
is not really that impt.
am i correct, sweetie?
obviously i will try to make it up to u yup.

over paranoid.

2007-01-11T06:30:00.000-08:00

im so worried abt you. you know?
until i get so paranoid.
until i think abt so many negative things.
until i call hazel, i heard your laughter
to know that u're safe.
my anger silence, my tears dropped.

i tot you finish work at 8 , since the time i woke up from my nap i've been worried due to the endless rain. moreover u've no umbrella.

and all i've done was my pinhole camera.

im sorry if im rude. but i was fucking worried la.

sigh, a bad weather a bad day.

photography lesson

2007-01-08T08:21:00.000-08:00

back to school. meaning lesser time with sweetheart.
sigh.but its okay, time management. i planning to work hard man.
today had photography lessons, my lecturer is super nagging. super look like those old jews(imagine him with that long dress). sideburn very long and bushy and white and thats my leturer mr robert. haha. very fun. time past fast. learn many new things.
its fun to work in dark studio. look like playing blindmice.

yea, i scared of 2 things
losing my sweetheart
and that stupid mrt control station.

miss you sweetheart.

my life, my sweetheart.

2007-01-05T12:47:00.000-08:00

i shall blog, yea im attached to miss adeline koh wen ting. haha. my sweetheart. a pretty and cute girl. silly. blur blur. nice.caring.thrifty.hardworking.discipline.soft-spoken.thats my gf.
yup, u sort of irritated me, sweetheart. i try to control myself. i know u're tired, buti still ask u to hang out with us. wat a bad bf i am right? i know u wanna spend more time with me. i also want. but i don want my sweetheart to always feel tired. i don want you to fall sick. all right. don sad yup?

having you, its a god gift.
you brought so much laughter into my dull world.
you made me realise that, im not that numb afterall.
u warmed my heart, and coloured my world.
you're the best thing i can ever get.

you know that, sweetie?
i will still continue to warm your heart, to touched you, to care,
lastly to love you.

okay i shall stop. if not i continue, i will get very emotional.
chaos.
hey jo, i blogged.

is this true?

2006-12-09T12:35:00.000-08:00

can i take it that i donnoe wat happen?
im reallie confused..
fate is really playing me..
im stuck,
im in a dillemma..

do u know wat are u gonna go through when u say so?
this is no normal relationship..
are u prepared?
are u serious?
am i dreaming?
i couldnt believe my own ears..
maybe i don believe gf's mouth.
till today, hazel told me..

i have spent a good time with u at kukup..
as in i talk to you, i play with you, joke, disturb u..
i miss ur presence, if i don see u around..
i need more advice..
will u wait a little longer? for me?

random thought abt sis

2006-12-08T13:21:00.000-08:00

now its 5 in the morning.. mom just open my door and invite me to have breakfast w her.. omg.. i dn have to sleep.. thinking abt my sister.. whenever she sees me, she will ask me, how u and the gal? thinking abt that makes me laugh.. she never fails to ask me that man., i always missed the time to meet her.. now she's an agent much more difficult.. sigh.. wat a big bed, no sis no ash no gf.. yawn, im going to run on my treamill.. my ass need some exercise.. since my brains are shut off..

2006-12-08T12:39:00.000-08:00

well no one likes to settle stuff, nor listening to whine complains, well jae have to do the shits then.. well i cleared most of the shits.. now im bored.. come on ppl stir up smth for me to do man.. haha.. jae ar, asking for trouble only.. i shut myself off for a month, trying to cry almost everynight, so scared to dream of u.. u will only appear in my dreams..
don bother abt me. i bet i will be fine.. i always do.. :) finally, i cried.. rmb the last time i cry or tear to darren, and he couldn understand me, more over in her hse.. finally i can get my ass seated, and cry.. lucky, they didnt hear.. we'll im just forcing the tears in my eyes to roll down my cheeks, and sneeze when there's a need.. im still shutting myself off.. well what can i do? wat can u do? nothing can be help other than time..
i rejected the invitation to MOS like tonight 'milkshake'. i don want to see you there, .. sorry sha..
at least i told u the reason..
jo, u know why i don want to follow?
well, i know u can deal w this urself..
ur a big gal.. if u really really need me..
call me, i will carry my phone w me tmr..
just for you. (although i doubt there's a need)

joy, if u want to know wat happen to me..
ask jo..
she knows everything..
after knowing everything..
don ask me anything..
sorry that u're not one of the first one to know..

im hungry.. how to sleep?

2006-12-06T11:23:00.000-08:00

To: joy
don ask me why i keep turning u away from me..
im sorry..
i just don noe why..
anyway, take care..
i'll meet u soon..

yea, there's nothing exciting for me to type inside this blog..
cause nothing exciting happen to me..
work and work, chickens, peace maker, middle man.. bla bla bla..
tanglin doesn want me..
harry never call me..
sigh..
nobody wants jae..
sad..

2006-12-05T13:52:00.000-08:00

now is 5 plus in the morning, my dear mommy haven wake up.. so sad.. i didnt want to sleep becoz i want to see my mommy.. 2 daes i never see her.. i have very less time to spend w her.. i feel sad too.. im watching rob-b-hood now.. baby damned cute la.. i wonder does he reallie exist..
i don have the feeling to write wat happen in malaysia.. i enjoyed..
tell you the details, when i feel like writting long blogs.. :)

don feel like blogging anymore..

im not being childish, nor acting rash..

2006-11-30T16:16:00.000-08:00

this thought came into my mind.. when i scolded rey ytd night.. she nearly made hazel cry la.. cannot stand it anymore. becoz i don want everytime i going off i make sure i help to settle everything.. the chickens are very used to me leaving them for a moment and going to somewhere else to work.. before i go.. the last person i wanna talk some senses in, is rey.. so i scolded her instead.. they told me when im angry my ears go red immediately.. good hint, if im angry my ears red.. suddenly rey pushed the topic to fida.. then abt me.. asking me, hey i thought u wanna do that thing for her? then bla bla bla.. i siad, i give up already.. but i cannot forget her.. not so soon.. maybe next year.. how long it takes.. i donnoe..
and i wanna say this before i turn in, my regret before this yr ends.. i regret naming u my bro.. knowing at times u are using me.. or us.. now u got small brother, don want us.. expired... now is not u leave us.. i kick u out.. don come to us, during malaysia trip.. u prolly go to chun heng.. have fun.. everytime i ask u to think when u talk for many reasons.. joke to a limit.. many.. thanks to you.. i have less problems.. u are a damned bloody coward.. one of a troublemaker.. another piece of shit.. enjoy.. peace out.. think? why do i say so, for a reason? think la.. u can forget us like that? i can erase u like that.. im always the winner, without you,i bound to live in heaven haha.. mean, right hazel? darren teo.. im not someone who cannot live w/o this particular person, and i will die.. and i think u mean nth to me, saying all this doesnt made me wanna cry or sad.. anger!!

in the chickens, im always the least problems, the devil and the peacemaker.. no one ask whether i have a problem.. sad.. maybe im not a attention seeker, don have a problematic face, quiet towards my own problem.. give me some care and concern.. haha.. i don cry, don shout don vent anger doesnt mean im fine.. haha.. nvm, if i share with u my problem, u only can listen.. thats all i need.. thank you for reading.. if it bores u, sms me, tell me wat u wanna read.. i will write.. haha

saw an grandma go around beg for money, i gave her a dollar.. she fuckingly passed the money to this bloody bald fucker with 4 limbs.. u can work la! ur mother or whoever is limping.. u took the money go buy ciggs.. i see u one more time, i confirm call police!! i don care.. i tell the police straight.. i don care if u come find me, kill me.. don ever let me catch u again.. if not becoz of my stupid phone and lousy skills.. i will post this on and sent an email to the police post, catch u..

im exhausted..

good dreams, good deeds, good jae..

2006-11-27T12:26:00.000-08:00

u know wat i like to do before i sleep.. i will stand infront of that mirror, use my fingers to brush through my hair.. to check whether i have more white hair.. and to use a measuring tape to measure my head.. haha.. measuring head is fake..

i dreamt of u..
and so i woke up in a shock..
why will such things only appear in dreams?

today i sigh-ed, i shout, i laugh

but i did 2 good deeds, first help teo and rey..
second i saw a $10 note i told the uncle..
thats what i sigh too..
10 bucks means alot man..

dumb jae

2006-11-24T11:42:00.000-08:00

i thought i recovered from that lay on bed cough, and cough till i had nose bleed. thanks to rey.. she past the virus to me.. but i also got worst coz i kept smoking and eating fried food.. until i couldnt reallie breathe.. i stopped both.. laid in bed when we are supposed to go m/s, so sad.. the 3 babis went there themselves.. never buy anything also.. i only felt better like todae.. went out to have lunch with josh.. went to the new cathay to watch movie, happie feet. penguins are so cute la.. nice movie, might watch again probably.. cause when the show going to end or climax, i don rmb.. my bladder bloat.. i wanted to pee.. didnt reallie enjoy.. anyway i watch 'step up' twice too.. don mind man.. it worth the tix price.. truely.. im getting the disc..
had too much nachos.. so didnt reallie had a good dinner.. wen to lucky plaza to play pool.. played awhile though. josh win.. went to towner, ade cannot recognise my backview.. laughs..
erm, i donnoe whether im sensitive or wat.. i think im rude towards her? she don seem to me that she wanna talk to me.. ya i liked u before.. but yea u told me to give up, and so i gave up coz u liked my darling.. no point holding on.. but still frenz yea? all right maybe nothing to talk abt.. maybe i didnt reallie face u.. nvm i leaving chickens for a while.. take care chickens.. keep me update if anything happens. like teo got a gf or smth.. coz i might be busy..
when faz comes out like every weekends or got celebration inform me before hand.. i will meet u guys yea.. now i feel like a bastard.. im not just job hopping.. grps hopping too.. i cannot get to sleep.. i couldn get anyone to talk to me too.. i got a shock.. probably still recovering.. then went to take med, after i vomitted i realised, i should take more note on the words wrote on the cover and not just, hey u and that guy look alike, i think u guys have the effect and i shall eat u too.. sounded a bim though.. so i ate the wrong med and i vomitted.. when i was pee-ing, i saw this slug or snail climbing on the wall, this isnt the first time i saw this fellow.. first was when i just woke up from a deep sleep after swallowing so many meds, i thought there's a snake near that chute, i rubbed my eyes and open it big to realise that was a pipe.. its yellow and in that sleepy and dreamy eyes of mine it look like a small python pls.. omg.. then saw that sluggy snail.. i let it off that day
it came and bother my pee today.. so i spray water and threw it down..
why am i forever so dumb?
hahaha..

when i was sick.
i made myself more sick..
to think back that u will cook porridge for me..
take care of me even..

nope u never call me again..
after the day of our assessement..
shld say after that night..

i truely misses u badly, woman..
im yearning to smell that scent on ur hair..
the silly but smart at times one..

how have u been?

when jae ponder

2006-11-21T13:19:00.000-08:00

i reached home around 4 plus am.. now 5 plus am, later meeting josh 10 am.. i only realised that im meeting josh and rey at 10.. im thinking should i sleep a not.. haha, m/s might be cancelled.. most probably will..suprisingly joy came down to novena to find me during the crowd time.. sorrie darling, no time to even say hi.. im sorry.. i need some time before i can get back to you again.. don ask me why..
faz and me walk to shaw then walked all the way to towner, coz no bus.. not tat we have no bucks.. no point paying 6 bucks just to towner when its only like 4 bus stop away? so we walked.. talked.. i came to understand faz more.. besides darren teo.. he don usually express himself much.. he endured everything till he couldnt. but he's still enduring.. something in him that i admire him abt.. open the door saw ade, she say today very happening, so many ppl come down.. stayed awhile.. i sent him to the bus stop.. wen to sit at adams corner with the juniors, teo and curly(the nick i give him).. they left.. they paid walked back.. sat down and wait for jasper and marlon to finish his work.. went to smoke, jasper wants me to guess wats his age.. i said 24, ade guess 25.. both wrong.. jasper was agitated.. coz marlon look younger but actuallie older than jasper.. too bad la sir, u got a cute pauchy tummy, and a serious looking face.. where else, he still have the elvis presley hair style with a manly look.. hahaha..
went to adams corner again.. eat and eat only.. c-jae wong, from fat to fatter man.. but i walk alot.. so i maintained.. but i find that my face getting more chubby.. its covering my eyes.. haha.. ade eat and eat.. but in the end she went to puke.. poor thing..
i suspect im suffering from lungs infection too.. im having flu, coughing and coughing non stop.. wanting to puke.. the more i smoke and eat chicken the more i cough.. more i cant breathe.. my windpipe seems to be stuck with plegms..
went to hazel house playground with darren, hilmi and me.. 4 of us chatting.. this is the first time hilmi tell me abt his love life.. talking abt everything.. when crooks come tgt.. we are not shy to say wats our fucking, idiotic stupid past..
when we talked abt this i kept thinking.. why i cant maintain a long term? then i took my job hop experience as an example.. i like to try new jobs, new environment, new things, new ppl.. how can i be true to one if im so choosy or maybe flirt? am i? i ponder.. im still pondering..

sometime i think im talking like you
somethings i do, i will think back abt wat u've done..
its all in my head..

im also pondering abt this.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _
now there's a _ h _ _ _ _ _ _
there was a missing H in ur name before i met u..
did u fpund that missing H already?
isnt a him or her?

short entry.

2006-11-20T11:43:00.000-08:00

just came back from sebawang park, with feng, rey, darren and tony or michael? i donnoe.. haha.. i just came down from a very special vehicle.. damned cold.. the cold store vehicle.. damned cold.. fun ar.. watch ppl catch crabs.. so small.. looking at my own kind.. so funny.. very sleepy.. going to JB tmr.. sister still sick ar.. lungs infection.. so she might join us for the trip.. so i think i want to buy smth for her.. nothing much to talk abt.. rey quit.. going to find job tgt.. with josh..

i was looking through friendster..
i think i still look very young..
everyone grew up, faces changed..
my face still look the same..

playmate

2006-11-17T10:22:00.000-08:00

i want playmate!!
im so sick of facing the damned walls and the damned screens..
boring!!
i want someone to stay with me
talk to me..
go suntanning and play volley ball
become chao ta.. hahaha
eat koka noodles with me when we watch the stupid taiwan food show
go 7 eleven with me, and buy 55 cents banana and eat
do stupid things tgt..
play pool with chickens..
read archie and fall asleep tgt..
when im sad, drink with me till there's no tmr..
watch crayon till we fall asleep..
sleep beside me..
have pillow fights!!
haha..

wat else? hmm.. donnoe..

go east coast, stare at the moon till the sunrise
sigh..

jae to everyone

2006-11-16T10:23:00.000-08:00

im going to blog, and jo called.. so i paused.. now im backed.. wat im gonna blog now.. it doesnt matter who i blog first yea..

darren teo
yea i know u want to have ur future with cl.. but did she say she wanna spend her rest of the life with you? did she even say she like u? everything is we TELL u, WE give you.. now u want me to woo her for you? make decision for you? no way bro.. your life.. be a man once, asked her urself.. touched her heart, stop being that ah flirt we used to call you.. prove to me or us that ur attitude has changed.. because ur attitude is still quite bad.. and live up to your words.. practice wat u preach, will you? don message us smth.. and doing smth else.. be a guy not a boy anymore bro.. NS looking for you soon.. by that time, u're supposed to be a man.. sometimes being stubborn is good, but overly stubborn will turn things sour.. im a passer by..

rey
my baby brother.. like wat i said to u at macs.. stop torturing urself and the 2 gals in ur life.. i know u don feel good.. so are they.. throughout this whole year.. i've seen u back to one square want.. again and again.. until, im waiting for you to say that sentence today.. not tired ar? u suffer, u also made the 2 of them suffer.. so i gave u 2 choices.. first: abandon this 2, be frenz w them.. stay a distance as a fren, and wait for who u think is the right one to come.. second: choose 1 of them, and don think abt the other. and keep a distance.. be true to one.. do think more for others not just urself..

mayo
do treat darren nicely yea.. a man also have dignity.. i know sometimes he's abit too lame and childish.. think properly, when u need someone the most.. he's always by ur side.. he might be a super glue to you.. but u know when he's not around u also don feel good.. when smth's are good enough, be contented.. don ask for too much.. because darren's can really be a good husband.. sometimes also must give way to me.. must also give him some face.. though we know each other well.. his a guy after all.. for you, stop making anymore regrets.. do think properly.. wat if one day darren can no longer take ur princess's and demanding attitude? u're smart.. i don wanna say so much..

fidah
yes, sister u're a female chauvinist.. u always have ur own thinking.. frenz always come first to you than faz.. i know u love faz alot.. do express ur love to him.. don treat him coldly suddenly.. or say break up to him.. working with him, i know he's sad.. but he's trying to put on a smile and laugh with us.. he needs ur support.. he's a nice guy just that he's a bit playful.. give him face.. he's a guy..sometimes because of u, he have to sacrifice time with family or quarrel w his mom.. do think of the things he do for you.. stop saying break up to him.. wat if one fine day he really leave u?

jo buddy
i neglected u the past few days when u needed me most.. u need a listening ear when im not around.. im sorry.. having u as a buddy, i have no regrets knowing you.. its a blessing and not a curse.. u've always been there for me.. knocking senses into my brain.. when u think, im going insane over some gals.. thanks alot for pulling me back.. wat more to say to you? w/o jo, w/o jae.. cj, u're the one who brought me to who i am today..

joy
sorry if i neglected you.. im too busy.. excuses.. u will always hear that from me..wats new? but i will never hide anything from you.. because we did almost all the stupid things in the world.. always by my side when i needed you the most.. never abandon me, when im dying in my own world.. i named u my ever lasting fren, joy vivi rouge.. we shared too much moments.. a gay that always stand out for righteous.. i salute you..

hey babe, u look great in that gown and that hair..
it seems as though u're ready to get married..

i know i miss you
i know im thinking of you
i cant stop thinking of you
i donnoe how long will it takes to get u out of my head

that noise just makes me wanna cry..
don ever make that sound..

bro teo

2006-11-13T12:21:00.000-08:00

To one of my brother..
yes i am an/a asshole, bastard, chye bye fucking frank person..
sometimes i think its the things u do, that make me become such a person..
im not trying to defend for myself..
think abt it..
sometimes i reallie think i went overboard..
most of time its u costs me to do so..
sometimes is im too sacastic..
i know..

i don want to be calculative and say wat u made me angry or fed up..
but i say the nice ones..
i reallie appreciate the small things u do for me.
when i cried, u gave me servelette and water..
be there for me..
always accompany me
but donnoe who accompany who yea..
sometimes i talk so much sense to you, u understand wat im trying to say?

do u know why at times i scold you?
think..
u're not stupid..
seriously..
but u always fly high when u think u're smart..
so i never like to praise you..
your ego, is just like the cap u wear always so high..

u're guy, but u wanna be petty with me..
i apologise..
u don accept..
i called u...
u reject..
wat u want me to do?
go down find u?

i lower myself to say all that..
u don want..
too bad, im egoistical too..

i know ur mom treat u that bad.. u want comfort from ur frenz..
my comfort for u, is scolding u..
bro, i really want u to be stronger..
i've met ppl worst than you..
wat u're in, might be too heavy for you..
think again wats ur broad shoulder for?
wats that dick and 2 balls for?
not just for fuck..
why god give u so much extra?
coz god think u're or u've the ability..
when u think abt urself..
think abt others..
there's always someone worst than u do..
i know its difficult
because u're quite pampered..

usually no one understand..
until they think..
so i actuallie don blame u..
cause u always don think..
and i always don like to state the obvious..

bro, i still wanna say im sorrie..
if u still wanna be petty..
then, yea.. let it be..
take care..
i know u wont kill yourself..
cause u're more coward than me..

silence

2006-11-07T22:19:00.000-08:00

a known thing that..
my heart have alot of scar..
these scars hold my heart tgt.
now i felt as though millions of needles pierce through my heart
had sew my muscle, my skin and my bones tgt..

my smile has been taken away..
now

my laughter might be gone too..

my tears will only came out on my right eye..

i forced myself to cry in the toilet to darren..

to hope the pain will decease..

no!!!

im forcing myself not to think abt it..

instead sleep..

i couldnt..

it was too torturous..

probably only 1 guy will understand how i felt..

and now i understand how she felt..

31.10.06

2006-11-02T04:49:00.000-08:00

didnt see the need to blog nowadaes.. now that blogs bores me.. im afraid my entries bore ppl.. and i wrote one but it didnt want to publish.. i passed my interview.. yea thats abt all..
she's leaving the school
and going to thailand to kill herself with michelle.
i drank with her ytd, but didnt manage or have the courage to say to her..
2 heniken and 1 baron..
don want to think so much.
don want to miss you so much..
i don'te want to know..

u cared

2006-10-28T06:35:00.000-07:00

i couldnt continue with the unfinished..i couldnt start too.. jasper said smth.. suddenly i felt mentally challenged.. as in someone other than jo, i do have the thought of finishing my work fast, in order to go help her out like tmr or smth, she told me that when she said she wants to come my house.. but she's been lying to me.. hahaha..
jasper asked me to confess to her.. but i bet she know i like her.. cause her best friend seems to like know smth.. and when best friend know smth, they share..

none of the gals i like or like me cared like how you did.
your act, touched my heart.
i was just sucking my finger, becoz it bleed.
u saw it and u gave me a plaster straight away.. u even asked me whether i want antispectic.
no one bother my injury or cuts before.
whenever i meet her, she will always ask me to eat..
i was still having cough, when she asked me whether i want some prata they bought. i said: nope, im still coughing.. she replied: u want me to cook instant noodles or porridge for you?
awww.. thats so sweet, pls..
i was just merely holding my head..
u didnt hesitate, and u asked whether i want panadol..
and you want me to go sleep straight away..
everything u did might be nothing for you..
but seriously it meant alot for me..
no one cared like how u did..

i wouldnt say like.. i love to wake u up..
so cute la pls..
u will beat me, u will try to kick me.. u will make those very cute noise..
and i will try to snatch your pillow.and u will try to grab my hand and beat me..
i will use the bolster to hit you, then u will make those cute noise..
then when u're awake, i went to to lie down. it became your turn to revenge..
u will use the bolster to beat me..

sorry, if i made u cranky and grumpy todae..
although i didnt..
seeing you cranky, it doesnt make me feel good..
i feel like doing darlie infront of you, to make u laugh..

i shouldnt have said that during 3D lesson..
now u felt as though school torturing..

u are saying as though u're not coming back next semester.
i feel sad..
don go thailand and kill yourself..
u said u're only going to die 10 years later..
don die la.. i don mind u having wrinkled face.. super big ass..
don leave me..
3 months hols.. sigh..

an overview

2006-10-20T09:26:00.000-07:00

im trying to rmb wat i wrote just now.. thanks to my connection in the study room, i cant send my entry. when im 15, 16 u don reallie bother wat time i come home, where i go, who im with. but why when i turned 18 u bother my life.. if u think doing house work for u, gives u more free time to bother my life. i shant do it anymore, so that u don have time to bother me.. its irritating.. i hate to be the only child at home.. now i know why jie rather move out..

met joy and jo went to lucky plaza to have pizzas, nice food. had quite a fun day.. its been quite some time since the 3 of us went out tgt.. went town.. then saw this guy keep turning and turning his head to look at joy.. i was angry and shouted" what are u staring at birdhead". he's got a moehog hair style with a very chinna face.. i don like ppl to discriminate my frenz.. oh a guy stop us to donate some money, so we shared and gave him wat we got, before we left he asked me and jo whether we are couples? cause jo put her hand on my shoulders? or we wore black?

met jo again today, had prata session.. everything was nice except the prata bomb.. jo thought that the ppl is gonna posion us, and she stopped me from eating it.. then went to 7 eleven, cause jo wanna top up her card.. she gave that chap 50 bucks, cause she topping up 30 bucks, and bought a lolly.. the man gave her 30 bucks back.. i asked her how much she topped, the guy keep staring at us.. so i pulled her out.. haha, chap that teach u a lesson, pay more attention of your cashier money.. went to auntie nick's house, to visit charlie, the new puppy and dusty and grandma.. i stopped outside becoz jo said charlie bite her toes.. so grandma thought i didnt come.. cause i take a long time to come in.. watch smallville with jo and grandma.. seating on the sofa having this imagination, im still seating on that sofa and she rushed down the stairs calling out my name sweetly, and sat on my lap showing me smth, with me hugging her and smelling the scent of her hair.. yea go on imagining jae. cause it will never happen..

hazel messaged me, told me that i won the bet.. the bet with darren.. he's wooing another gal in the same store, when both of us ever thought that gal is ugly.. whats wrong with him? she's a scorny, ah lian shit.. why u so despo? no gf will die ar? want to take care of ppl so much? do C.I.P then.. go old folks home.. use ur care and concern correctly.. ah mah, ah gong wont break ur fragile heart.. aiyo.. if he give me the money, chickens, suppers on me!!

ai yo, rey u make me very sad..
go thomson eat prata, very lame ar?

aiyo, u so cute la..
i only realise it when u don'te wear heels..
u make me feel so much taller..
u look like dwarf..

go back to my colouring and drawing
and maybe play dough and wires..

i only can listen

2006-10-17T07:15:00.000-07:00

had 35 mins talk with my daugh.. haha, we got so crazy.. so funny.. had lots of fun talking to her.. my exam only lasts like 5 mins.. awaiting for 31 october.. after that.. i can loan my lappie out!! hahaha.. anyone need a laptop? hahaha..

you're angry, i only can listen..
have the thoughts of doing smth silly..
BUT don'te have the courage to put or give..
jae, u're such a coward!! sigh..
back to my artistic world~

im trying

2006-10-13T09:05:00.000-07:00

i wrote a whole of my feelings down.. its gone.. im glad too.. becoz i wrote it and sort of like misplaced it.. at least no one will read it.. all right.. sleeping time!!

an apple with an origami

2006-10-09T07:54:00.000-07:00

can u guys tell me how u feel when u open your door and u see an apple and an origami on your doorstep? do you find it silly? coz im doing that to the gal i like.. she fall ill, she doesnt want us to visit her.. im very worried.. so i just did that.. nth much abt school i guess. its all abt school.. im catching up and being a good student.. all right thats abt all..

i worry
and i miss
you..
if only u let me take care of you..
u must have slim down alot..

an apple a day keeps the doctor away..

having a little care from jae..
keeps you away from pain..
im acting silly now, i inhaled too much turb(new drug) today..
i inhaled for more than 3 hours.. dizzy and high and crazy..
i should go back to draw coke..

don'te leave me, will you?

2006-10-04T23:07:00.000-07:00

im at jo house now.. something wrong with my wireless at home.. so i couldnt blog at home and i couldnt blog and do my researches.. not much to blog.. becoz i have too many, but my brain is blank right now.. and if i start to blog.. i will be very random..

jasper asked me this, are u afraid to lose her?
i told her: no..
because you never belongs to me..
i expected that u will leave..
i doubt i have the right to stop you..
so i treasured the time spent with you..
im contented..
and i probably think i missed or don even have a chance at all..
im just writting my feelings down..

i know u are avoiding jasper and me..
becoz u think that u're dragging us down..
i really feel like messaging u, how's your fever?
don'te give up..
let me know if u're falling, i will stand by you..
don'te give me that no expression face..
don'te give me that face and say u don'te reallie care..
i know you do..

jasper say the both of us don'te match..
i know we don'te..
i told jasper= bro..
i told bro that i don'te mind when u're sad, club with michelle and u..
even though i know there's school tmr..
i know u do listen to me..
i will want u to do ur work with me..
i don'te mind wat u wear, i don'te wish to change u
becoz i like the way who u're..

i love to hear u laugh..

yeah, i don'te deny anymore that i like you..

3 blows

2006-09-26T06:27:00.000-07:00

quite a few things happened to me.. had a big fight with mom.. having the mentality of killing her.. mom found out i wore binder.. suspecting jie and ash.. suspecting me.. alot of things happened.. but im feeling better now.. much much more.. this are not actuallie wat i want to say.. fight with my mom is 1 of my blow..
my 2nd blow, i went to find little princess, coz chickens say she have been working very often.. went down after external to look for her.. send her home.. the journey back to her home, she's very cold towards me.. only 1 word answer from her mouth.. actuallie i thought i reallie put my feelings down for her, till the next day.. i felt pricks on my heart.. i didnt tell anyone except darren.. when we reached the lift, she asked me this: do you still like me? woah, im shock pls.. i replied: don'te know.. i thought the will be positive answer from her.. nahx.. she told me to give up cause she liked someone else.. at first i thought she said it to shoo me away.. nope, she fallen for my darling.. and i was the one who guessed it right.. i reallie felt pricks on my heart, the next dae i went to find rey.. sigh.. im trying to avoid her, so i kept staying in the office and talk to rey, hazel, rey and jasper..
during external i saw my ex- crush cum eye candy.. simone..
from 3D-big fight with mom-2nd blow.. very sad and very psychotic..
so many things happened to all of us, cliques we should hug each other and give each other support..

u don'te come out from the bathroom, with ur towels on and give me that look..
u don'te give me that stare right into my eyes when i said i felt lonely at times, and that u felt the same too.. and u want a r/s like u guys are frenz, and bla bla..

stayed over

2006-09-19T13:15:00.000-07:00

im demoralised, depressed, turning autistic soon,very lack of sleep . i didnt turn up for my 3D presentation.. so did the 4 of them.. have been staying over with teresia.. to support and make sure she do her 3D and accompany her.. coz michelle went back home, she's scared to stay home alone in that big flat.. lost my cap on the cab on the way to her house.. coz i only got 2 hands and i took off my cap when im on the cab.. i was in my boxers when im doing my box, she went to bath, then i was outside watching tv and doing my work, i only know her ex-gf and michelle got her keys.. i heard ppl trying to open the door, im like having speech bubbles inside my head, like fuck, don'te tell me its her ex.. but its her mom and dad, they came back.. the mom pointed at me and asked: who are you? i stammered.. im teresia's fren.. the mom was kinda nice after that, gave me some cakes and food.. her dad bought her a guess bag and a watch.. becoz she don'te want her mom and dad to nag.. so we went into the room, she showed me her past photos and baby pictures.. i actually brought mine too.. so we were talking and talking abt her younger and our retarded days.. funny.. then her fren called.. so i went out cause im bored.. went to draw circles.. went out to macs with our work, coz we are hungry.. brought our stuff.. sat down at macs, ordered food, talked and eat.. till 2 plus and we started to do our work.. then whenever i want to reply her the cars passed by, and she will like:huh?? everytime i wanna talk the cars, lorry, bikes passed by.. so i shouted, act retarted.. laugh non stop..
went back around 5 plus, im still cutting my circles, she's still drawing and cutting her donnoe diamond or kite shape.. till around 6.40, i cannot take it so we went in to take a nap.. she's still doing her polygon, i try to sleep.. woke up at around 10.30am.. i was the one who disturb her again, i threw bolster at her, and she woke up immediately.. coz she got nightmare of my circles.. haha, so cute la.. her nightmare was she was standing on the artcut, running away from this monster with 2 blades on its hands and trying to kill her and she's wearing heels and everytime she step on this artcut the thing will break apart.. hahaha..
here comes the demoralising part.. its going to rain or it started to rain when we went out to get more materials.. we are already some walking zombies, now u gave us this weather.. they don'te sell my colourful matchsticks.. and they don'te sell her paper clay.. cabbed to artfriend again.. buy her clay, buy artcut,buy cloth, buy saw, buy stick.. cabbed back to her house.. so tiring.. do and do till jasper came with rene.. helped her spray her clay and stick made my fingers look as though its polished.. keep on doing, while she do her horse.. went to sim lim tower with jasper coz she said that they might sell spring.. they do but very small.. we couldnt understand each other.. thats the next demoralising thing..sigh..
jasper and rene left, while we are still doing till like 7 plus, i couldnt take it.. i need to sleep.. so we went to bed.. slept till 11pm..
most demoralising part is happening.. her clay horse crack badly.. i don'te know hw to sew my spider.. we went into the room, smoked.. think.. depressed and demoralised.. we decided that we did our best.. so we'll stop and shall not go school..
suddenly i felt naseous, so did her.. she thinks that we should eat porridge.. so i was sitting down at the dinning table.. i was looking at her cooking porridge, and cutting mango.. and we talked... it was nice though its just instant.. i felt the warmth.. watched malcom in the middle, felt asleep..

lards

2006-09-16T10:45:00.000-07:00

i will blog a little here and there.. this time when i was going home, i was so fed up by this 2 block of lard and a gala. happily talking when the pathetic me is holding my artcut, a bouquet of stinky lilies and my portfolio.. wa.. walk one straight line somemore.. fucking hell.. everyone look at me as though im a retard pls..
went teresia house to toned.. retarded la.. realie.. tell u the story later on.. coz i want some sleep..

im glad u're not smart.. haha..
i know i cant change your liver, lungs, stomach. probably your brain..
i know u are carrying a very heavy load..
i might do stupid and retarded things that u might not know..
but wat i scared is, one day u asked me do i like u?
i don'te know how to answer..
ppl say i already have fallen for you..
but me and your hearts are numb..

lying to myself..

2006-09-07T10:05:00.000-07:00

phone repaired.. now on my table.. and u noe wat? my profile name is 'i wanna be your man'.. damned.. mommy so gonna know.. i will talk abt the surprise when im not so sleepy and tired and worried..

i didnt know u bother to listen to wat happened to me..
i thought all along im just a listener to you?
am i?

failure

2006-09-06T08:15:00.000-07:00

im very annoyed now.. by this stupid phone's ringtone.. and have not been in school for 2 days.. not that i don'te want to go.. thanks to the phone, i couldn wake up for both lessons.. and im very angry with myself for that..
this are somethings i wouldnt denied
i do enjoy your company..
i enjoy listening to the things u said,
coz u never failed to make me laugh or smile.
although sometimes i don'te like the way u talk,
but u actuallie have ur unique way of talking(sacasm).

at times, i don'te understand why u tell me so many things
(maybe, im the only single bung around this clique)
but some things that happened to u,
i will get worried, but im afraid to care.
thats why when u're with me or us,
i will force or when u asked me whether u should eat.
i will definitely say:yes
coz i know u have gastric problems.

i don'te mind waking up early to wake u up,
seriously i don'te want u to get out of school.
thats why i try to do so much.
whatever u say, i do keep thinking in my mind.

i know i look like a kid to u..
becoz i don'te even look like my age..
im sure u know, i don'te act like my age at times.
either childish or mature..

when i come to think abt it..
u actuallie do make a good wife..

i hope i have the courage to sing wat paul sang.. To you..

don'te die so young..

missing 22

2006-09-05T07:27:00.001-07:00

went to watched movie with teresia.. watched the devils wear prada.. hmm nice.. after that when to meet josh.. don'te know wat happened.. my hp hanged.. fucked.. so i took out my battery, and try to on it again.. fucked.. spoiled.. sigh, my 1 year anniversary coming, and u gonna leave me w/o celebrating with me? hw could u? sad-ed.. then now im using daddy's phone.. went to the sim archive, saw this message.. so sweet.. 'i love u 22'.. very long since anyone call me that.. and i showed josh.. and he's like ' i love u 22' all the way home.. that idiot.. and that idiot is sicked.. when to eat sakae, after that he went to puke.. and puke twice.. wat a waste.. want to bring him see doc.. that lovelorn.. beyond cure.. he wants his 'her' to bring him to see doc.. hope he recover fast.. sigh..

missing 22

2006-09-05T07:27:00.000-07:00

things = trouble

2006-09-01T08:29:00.000-07:00

when u don'te want anything.. things comes right to you.. sickening right? i find that it is very sickening.. u know why i say so? because it comes in a sale..
i always think alot.. don'te wanna waste my brain cells.. and also like to make things difficult to understand.. make simple things into difficult things.. why? don'te like to be conquered? probably.. i don'te write wat i supposed to write.. i do wat i wanna do.. thats why i always say, don'te try to read my mind.. maybe im just writing wat i feel..
maybe i've changed.. i don'te know.. im getting more and more weird.. thats wat i think..

misses

2006-08-28T08:21:00.000-07:00

yawn.. having a hectic life.. hmm, maybe shouldnt say that, having a wonderful life.. mixing with everyone.. chickens, laselle, cliques, nurens, bros.. thats all.. i don't know where should i start.. saw her working, made jelly, became rey's guardian, had bbq, now lots of projects to be done.. just hope this thurs to sentosa wont be cancelled.. im getting yellow.. hahaha.. thats what rey say.. oh ya me, alea and jasper got a new ma-the.. cinder kwang.. hahaha.. wat else? oh ya darren and gf broken up.. he's giving me headache.. but trying to console instead made rey and him cry.. so yup, next time if u're reallie hanging there, need someone to scold u.. come find jae.. hahaha, im mean enough to scold anyone if i know u well.. i wont get soft hearted.. i miss yang, yana, riduan, fishie... miss working with them.. i miss everybody la.. thats abt all.. gonna go back to my colourful world..
i reallie need a specs soon..

do u feel that sometimes im very warm?
sometimes im very cold towards u?

time management

2006-08-21T08:27:00.000-07:00

supposedly we should have presentation todae.. whenever it comes to presentation.. im rather screwed up.. my time management isnt that good.. when u think u have lots of time.. actually u don'te. when u have very little time, actualie u have lots of time.. cya.. got to talk to josh..

i didnt mean to say that

2006-08-18T08:30:00.000-07:00

i didnt know i said something wrong..
until they point out..
i hope everything will still be the same..
same as in? im already scared of you..
i should reallie think more often before say anything man..
another mistake, thats it..
but i still doubt..
im really just helping..
if i reallie do too much..
pls tell me..

jae's doesnt want anyone to read her mind

2006-08-17T10:26:00.000-07:00

i met up with my group of gals just now.. i forgotten it was andrea's bdae.. waited for them at macs.. stayed awhile, got some prob with photoshop, so orange taught me.. they all slimmed down and became more pretty.. my pretty ladies.. they still haven change their huge appetite.. went to eat steamboat.. wow, so cheap.. the food over there a bit stale.. not much variety.. had fun.. chat alot.. laughed.. saw ter, u lok and beverly..after eating we went to pasa malam.. i reallie didnt know there's one in amk.. haven went there for more than 5 mths.. its like kallang, town or home.. bought food again.. im damned bloated... sat down below some blocks.. talk, laugh, take pictures.. discussing to go taiwan this yr end, either that or bangkok or somewhere even nearer, KL just to relax.. cant bear to leave em just now.. never see andrea for like for half year.. guys, going back school? i'll be going back.. going back, give me a ring yea..

going changi airport to draw..

my heart is missing this..
my brain is thinking that..
myself is is trying to do those..

my mind, my body, my soul is not cooperating..

smth jae wana blog abt

2006-08-16T08:56:00.000-07:00

i shall not continue with wat i've left for my unpost entries.. watch ghost game.. im superb tired.. my 2D lecturer is driving me crazy.. he don'te bothers abt me.. it seem as though im transparent.. he don'te look at my work, he don'te tell me where's my mistakes.. and the 4 hrs, im so like dreading myself to go on for his lecture.. i will blog abt more when im much more energise.. im waiting for a call..

classmate A asked me to turn andro..
classmate B asked me to date the gal that ask me to turn andro..

i missing someone badly..
thats for real..
someone is missing me badly too..
thats wat classmate said..

(i never wanna lose you, so wazz up)
its a song..

watched movie

2006-08-05T12:32:00.000-07:00

a simple title, to a simple entry.. went to watched 'click' with the chickens.. hah, fida teared.. it was very touching indeed.. damned hilarious pls.. thats all i guess.. very sleepy.. ytd was mommy's bdae.. banana mommy i meant.. how's she doing? anyone contacted her? i reallie do miss the times..

i want to be single
doesnt mean im giving up on you..
although i know i've got the slightest chance.. :)
take good care, do well for your Os..
i miss you the most..

wats gotten into me?

2006-08-02T18:57:00.000-07:00

does my last entry at friendster blog reflects bad about my school? actuallie im doing fine over there.. just grumbling that i have 4 projects, and they are supposed to be due next week.. thank god, my country save me.. so it will be the following week.. 2 out of 4 i have to pass it up like next week.. its all abt toys! ytd i have like 9-7pm.. morning we had internal drawing.. he really twist our brain.. he place some toys on the table.. and we have to draw wat we see and not wat we know.. the method is blind contour.. and he adds more challenges, wat u see on the table draw it upside down, still using the method, blind contour.. trust me.. if u ever see my sketch book, u wont know wat am i drawing till i explain.. photoshop is still the best class till now.. we took our own pics and edit it, create effects on it.. fun.. 3D, a bit dry.. more on like building something.. more on hands on..

if u find that the first part of my blog is already boring you.. pls skip reading jae's blog.. becoz i find it boring too.. :)
i don'te wish it became some bedtime story..
i've been feeling rather mull up lately.. i don'te feel like smiling, smiles seems so fake.. did someone deflated my lungs? i couldnt laugh heartily.. have i used up my laughing cells? may i know where can i implant more? what's wrong? i don'te know.. i just find that im so different from who i used to be.. did art brain- washed me?

went out with jo todae, were supposed to draw my toys, but i couldnt find the magazine i want.. then went cinni, when the lift door opens i saw this man was like shouting and shouting to this gal.. i have no idea wats wrong, and we went in, and settled down at the xbox, the man came in and scold the other gal.. the gal's mom came.. slowly more man came.. and he's still shouting, i couldnt be bothered with watever they are talking abt... or type the conversation down.. i just know that his a crude, ill mannered, rude father.. police even came.. wth right.. wat a big fuss? can't u settle it at home? why must u make the kid lose face? watever.. none of my concern..

i just want to be single for now.. i don'te reallie mean for only this moment of time..
yes i do feel lonely at times..
but if i know i can't have the right one.. wats the point?
maybe im just too lazy to go tru the process of knowing and la di da..

first day of orientation

2006-07-21T08:40:00.000-07:00

back from town.. had a hair cut.. wanna know the hairstylist name? hah. jack.. not bad quite good looking.. hmm, orientation was kind of boring.. had an hour talk, barely can hear wat they say.. we caught some here and there.. sha was like mumbling and mmbling to me.. and falling asleep soon.. feeza was so late, she had to go to the second one instead, so she had to wait for joyce.. hah.. joyce never gets tired of talking.. went out to smoke right after the talks over, i told ya i will definitely die early, thanks to sha.. every like 10mins, she will say, i feel like smoking.. went to media room, watched some german oldies movie, black and white, speak in german.. talking war, love bla bla.. ran away like half way.. its gonna bore us to death.. went to the studio for making movies.. cool, we had like actor and actress, thats gary and eileen.. becoz they were wearing blue, so they were videoed on cam, and played on big screen.. so funny.. and they actuallie brief abt how they actuallie make 'king kong', 'titanic'.. one of the programme that woke me up was 'the stomp'.. so cool.. i like their music... i videoed a bit.. was so engrossed in it pls.. very sleepy.. gonna sleep.. nitez..

before orientation

2006-07-20T17:01:00.000-07:00

just woke up.. school starts like later on.. yawn.. orientation for like the whole week.. i got all my stuff.. fucking ex pls.. fucking heavy also.. jie was out with us ytd.. wow.. she wore until very sexy.. very pretty.. she bought shirts for me.. niceeee... my belated present.. they nearly kill me.. brought me to SASA.. and TAKA, perfumes place.. my brain nearly got poisoned.. coz i cant breathe.. and it feel as though my head became some balloon, gonna burst anytime.. filled of toxic.. so damned bloody strong..
went i sent jie to bus stop she asked me this: why did u wanna turn bung?
i answered: donnoe, i think im more masculine.. and i think im better than guys..
she gave me that look..
jie also got think of turning straight..
then i ask her can u even leave ash? although ash let her leave..
but she was disgusted by guys..

gonna run along.. if not will be late..

jae predict her death

2006-07-18T12:12:00.000-07:00

breathe in breathe out.. im boiling.. boiled.. super angry.. if this goes on..
less than 10 years, i will have heart attack..
less than 8 years, i will go in and out of hospital, prolly ttks..
less than 5 years, doc will say i have high blood pressure, on medication..

to prevent such things happen im trying to relax.. breathe in and out.. u might think its funny.. coz i've not been that angry ever seen months..

when u know im angry, don'te talk to me.. don'te try to make up the mistakes.. don'te provoke me.. don'te ask me why, use ur brain to think.. wait till i talk to you, thats when im chilled, i will look for you.. thats me.. i don'te like to beg or ask for help, unless i realie cant.. if not i wont.. too bad, genes from dad and mom, indeed very strong genes.. STUBBORNESS..

so sad, joyce and me is in different class.. im in k, she's in x.. ahhhhh.. i hope i will either be with feeza, vincent, sha, gary, stefanie, eileen.. someone i know.. if not i gonna bored to death..

when i miss you.. i wont reallie call or sms.. coz i don'te want to disturb u..
i will tell chickens.. or say it to your pics..
sound rather sick.. hahaha..

a superb long entry..

2006-07-17T10:50:00.000-07:00

i feel the stress, excitement, anxious-ness coming towards me.. starting school in approximately 2 - 3 days time..jae's so clever, now then start sketching drawing..trying to design.. becoz i've been busy selling chickens.. ya know.. anyway, gonna stop for awhile and concentrate on school..
oh ya lets start 12 july- i was working 4-10.. if im not wrong its a wed, becoz rey is off.. its hazel and rey's anni.. rey called me, say: tong lei, she's working todae, shumin told me.. i was like.. hmm happy.. then after that, towner called and they needed staff.. mdm asked teo.. then i was jumping and shouting: i want to go!! i want to go there work!! i want i want!! mdm and auntie rejected.. i was so sad.. but ya, then i think back, if she's working, hazel working.. why they need so many staff? i think back, i doubt she's working.. im right.. my mood from so high.. dropped.. then rey messaged me, she's not working, no need to come down.. but i still went.. becoz teo owe me money.. opened the door, saw wai mun, first thing, oh she never work, why u come down? ken saw me: hey, u 're here, but she never work, why u come down? i was like hmmm, i know lah!! i know she never work la..
took cab down to auntie nick's house, supposed to suprise my idiotic buddy.. haha.. becoz i got lost at that place before.. moreover its night, that place is scary pls.. so i asked her the address.. stayed over.. i bought her a cake, wanted to get her vodka current, out of stock.. pepper and dusty were at auntie nick's house.. pepper is so hyper, when she was led out, came jumping all over me.. its kinda boring here.. cut the cake, went up..i forgotten why we went up.. then jo's dad was online, so she have to talk to him.. we had a video conversation with her dad.. we actuallie didnt know, our voice was captured.. until we saw the volume moving up and down.. until like 1 plus we got out of the house.. i ate alot pls.. and we did some stupid experiment.. wasted money on that pls.. went back in the house, jo acc me for a moment, and she fell asleep.. left me alone, with 2 dogs, pepper kept following me.. watched some stupid chi satanic show.. i still couldnt sleep.. and that bdae gal slept like a pig.. the room is like brrrrr.. and the woman beside me kept snatching my blanket away.. and mommy, didnt got my note, woke me up at 5.45 in the morning when i slept at like 4.. i rmbed i said smth like that to jo: u kick my ass! and i went back to sleep..
went macs to have breakfast, i woke up early becoz of her.. brought 2 dogs out.. everyone's looking at us.. although we are some rich kids staying at that condo.. we were the main attraction pls.. every place we went.. im yawning, don'te rmb much.. i only know i nearly trip this 2 gals that just came down from the bridge.. thanks to pepper the les dogs.. hahaha.. jo bought veet, becoz i asked her to wear skirt.. omg, she wanted to spray that on my brows.. idiot.. it wasnt effective.. i was so sleepy.. that i only managed to send her to joel's arm.. my bro retarded to me, his hair.. went home and slept..
went down to shaw with faz, faz and me were disturbing her.. it was tan ling ling shift.. me and tong lei and faz were talking.. she very busybody.. when she talk, her hands and brain cannot coordinate.. she cannot multi task.. she's very bubbly, laughed at everything.. the bag leak, when we went to throw rubbish.. the scene was so funny.. tan ling ling pulled her to shaw plaza to mop the floor.. then she came over for attachement, mdm want me to tag with her.. wa, she bullied me and faz.. stored 3 orders.. one new toy, 1 chicken chop meal, one chicky meal.. and i have to slowly clear it.. keep asking me to take order for her.. then she dazed over there.. then i kept nag at her, wa, she call me uncle!! arrgggh.. then i call her xiao gui.. omg! so tiring pls..
oh ya, melissa came and have dinner at kfc.. were fighting with manp that it was melissa.. until we asked faz to come out.. hahaha.. thats abt all..

i don'te know whether i feel shy when i see you or inferiority?
but i do miss you terribly..
sigh.. pls take care of yourself yup..
i hoped ur answer; okay.. means u will promise me wat i tell u to do..

entry 1

2006-07-11T08:23:00.000-07:00

it always come to this point of time where i don'te know how to start my entry.. too many things to say.. lets say whats not that impt first.. im 10 days away till school starts.. finally, school starts.. wow 8 months of hols.. slack like shit, spend like hell.. new environment, new start.. i hope it will be a good start..
chickens went toning ytd.. fei,hazel,faz, fida and me.. we were talking abt chickens, not as in drumsticks as in the group.. what we like and don'te like abt each other.. haha, turned out to be quiet.. coz we have not much to say.. we talked abt the past, before i joined them.. abt how fida and faz start their r/s.. and the things before that.. between fida and this gal.. hahaha.. so telepathy, so funny, so cute.. and fei's past, abt some triangle love between brother and sister, its been proven that she's popular among both sexes.. talked abt rides, hotel, cycling, some of them scare to take pirate ships, bla bla bla.. we wanted to sleep at fragrance hotel.. and hotel 81, coz the most hotel 81 can take in 3 heads per room.. thinking that our next pay shall we go hotel to sleep.. and they wanted to go night riding.. sure to have lots to explore..

went out of macs, coz its too cold.. sat at the stairs near the interchange, we were talking abt some phenomenon things.. talking abt religion.. stories of our experiences.. wat we saw, hazel was sleeping. actuallie all of us saw, except fei, she saw 1.. if im not wrong i saw 3.. all of us kept quiet.. till we reached the interchange then we discussed.. the funniest part to miss fida, coz my bus was the latest, when we saw was 6:01, so we went to have breakfast.. around 6, we walked to bus 88, then faz said your bus come already.. so did fida.. so i happily ran there, and the bus driver closed the door, i stared at him with a shock face, he stared back.. i did the why sign, he showed me the time side with his stupid sunshine strawberry bead and off the light.. i went back to the grp, they laughed at me.. hahahaha..

supposed to meet jo this afternoon or evening.. overslept.. moreover its a nice weather to sleep in.. and went sleepy throughout the day.. been eating and sleeping..

wats meant to be seperated, will be seperated..

hoped u did well for ur oral..
i bet u can do it..
next time don'te forget yup..
get well soon..
don'te so naughty and eat smth u're not supposed to eat..
drink lots of water..
take care..
see you soon can?
you're missed..

2006-07-08T12:29:00.000-07:00

i wasnt in my right mind.. after finished smoking downstairs, i went straight into bathroom.
sat down on the bathroom floor, let the running water gush onto my head, staring in the blank, my mind's blank too, till i heard my message tone, then i came to my senses.. its u who replied..
now is the funny part. i brought my bag in, after i had my bath, only then i realised, i never my towel in.. searching for pails whether there's any towel.. nope, until i realised i have a face towel.. ya a face towel, wat can it cover? either up or down right? i covered neither, i covered my face.. why? at least i wont see anything, won't make me feel more shy.. thats wat i always do, whenever i don'te like to see the person i see or my mom.. but my mom, i never try before.. hahaha..

i don'te see you everyday,
these are just somethings i want to do for you,
let me do it? can?
i hoped to make u feel cared, love? (maybe not yet)..
no matter wat there's jae,( though u don'te call me that)..
no matter how tired i am, i noe u're also very tired.
i just wanna use every bit of my strength i have, to help u..
i don'te know when's the last day i will see you..
but know the day is drewing near..
i wont be able to do as much as i do now, becoz i wont know.. wats going on..
becoz some time, i don'te even know wat to message u abt..
sigh..

just hope u don'te find me bothersome,
just hope u don'te avoid me..
doing so much,not to touched your heart, never carry a hope u will accept me..
becoz its only one- sided..
thats abt it i think..
i will wait.. i have the patience..

last thing, you're not lousy..
don'te ever say that!
i will get angry..
i will not fall for a lousy girl..
you're just blur, cute, nice, caring, passive, quite clever, cool, quite man, cheerful (there's always sadness lies behind the smile?)
more than words can describe

2006-07-07T07:13:00.000-07:00

where should i start, should i start where i stop? i don'te remember where i stop.. just talk abt ytd then.. when to pek kio to play bb.. there's pinky, feng, rey, hazel,faz, fida, elva. thats all the bb khaki.. have to wait for feng to finish her paper work.. then bus down to pek kio, dropped at the wrong stop.. hahaha.. but the street idiot, which is me. still got my way to the community centre.. played ABC.. haha i was the winner.. rey, pinky and hazel is still on the way.. waited, suddenly this weird man came to talk to us and say : can u don'te bounce the ball, i have a baby at home.. and he limped away.. fida scolded him, smth like that.. we wont haapie abt it.. but still continued to play.. till they came, and we had a match.. fida's laughter is addictive pls.. it weakens your muscle.. fuck, pinky threw the ball right at my face.. i got a concussion for quite some time.. everyone burst out laughing.. my nose hurt the most pls.. so is my forehead.. its a new, real leather ball.. lucky it didnt disfigure my face.. later on, fida felt how i felt too.. pinky just slammed the ball onto her eye.. she was so drama pls.. hahaha.. u know wat, pinky love to play foul, he like to hook my hand or pull my shirt or slapped for nothing.. idiot, total idiot.. i was angry with him.. but it was fun too..
that guy came down again, he's half naked with only boxers.. damned i didnt took his pics down.. u're in singapore, u're not supposed to get down half nakedly.. its against the rule.. since he wanted to call police.. but yup, we let the matter rest.. so i don'te know where are we gonna play bb tmr.. same place?
went back to the coffee shop and had chicken wings.. faz and me promised fida that we will smoke 1 stick per dae.. cutting down a lot.. there's so many things that are restricted, more over its so ex.. plus we have our reasons like he's doing it for fida.. im doing it partly for her and myself..
walked to mustafa, its kinda ulu yup.. but still manage to reached there, coz we were talking abt kidnapping, rape, bla bla bla.. talking abt my sis's fren's fren..
walked around mustafa, boughted boxers, bought fish ball, mun to, milk, crab meat, green tea alot of things.. cabbed back to ah feng house to cook the food.. and watched tape at the same time..

i dreamt of you, but was awaken by feng..
i reallie do miss you.. misses you alot
lucky i have a video of you..
smth that is moving..
when u went in that day, went i was sitting outside.
i was anxious, worried when i was waiting outside.
i won't ask you, wat happen. coz its privacy.
but looking at you, crying so bitterly,
it reallie do hurt me..

2006-07-04T11:53:00.000-07:00

ever since after my bdae im very lazy to blog.. but todae is WONG JIA PING bdae.. she's 22 years old.. old woman.. hahaha.. she's my jie jie.. happie birthdae jie.. okay jo i blogged.. hahaha..
i will blogged tmr.. or when im more awake.. gonna go train my muscle..

my bdae..

2006-06-27T11:09:00.000-07:00

happie birthdae to myself..since its my bdae.. happie birthdae to jae, happie birthdae to jae, happie birthdae to myself..

met joyce at kallang todae to go back to school to do our student card.. took bus, we were actually standing infront of this ah mah, and we started chatting away, suddenly she just speak in some dialect, that both of us don'te understand.. so we continued to talk.. wat the hell, she suddenly shout at the both of us, she even used her umbrella..the auntie sat behind her mumbled smth to joyce.. and we went quiet all the way till we reached school.. went up to second level before waiting for gary.. it was rather fast to make our card.. i looked a bit like simpson though.. its only per shot.. so didnt expect it to look nice.. waited for gary.. waited outside the bus-stop to wait for miss sha sha.. she left her house.. i was told she went to Hawaii with a guy she got click on, at which ever bar she's working.. i was shocked pls.. she went to Hawaii with an anonymous guy that u barely know him well.. u may say im conservative or watever.. its just that u don'te know this gal, im rather afraid of her decisions sometime.. waited till like 5.30 and we cabbed down to cinni.. bought tics for 'just my luck'.. went to pasta mania for my pasta, i've been hungered for more than 15 hrs.. half way eating, my phone rang, thought was teo.. he always call me.. nope its miss cutie.. if u were there, u will laugh at my face pls.. my pasta is in my mouth, half way dangling and im staring at my phone.. first reaction: joyce, she called me!! joyce: answered the phone!!..
and now u knew my blog.. i felt so bare.. the gal u like knew everything abt your feelings.. but i knew nothing much abt u.. lucky this morning i didnt blog abt smth i reallie wanna sae.. now i think i must be careful, cause she will be reading it.. i don'te know when.. but some dae..
nu ren acc me talk till 12 am, im finally 18 pls.. before that i teared outside shaw plaza, when i asked teo out to smoke.. hazel and fei might see.. i don'te know.. i felt very empty.. very sad abt smth else.. then i keep mumble to myself, scolding myself.. i think im very weak.. but i missed u guys.. moreover jo, keep asking me wat i wana do.. wat i reallie wanna do.. is leave singapore.. very sad.. but i pick myself up.. i shant be sad.. its my bdae.. cause i tot wat u said..
since im 18, went to 7 eleven to buy ciggs.. i took my student card cum ic out.. unlce tot its 2 different person.. i think i will have difficulty buying ciggs and liquors next time.. teo said thats my bdae biggest joke.. yes it is.. my cake is very special, i got a stick of cigg as my candle and sara lee butter cake from 7 eleven.. hahaha.. so style right.. i felt all my chickens the cake.. stuff them into their mouth.. oh ya i want to be childish tmr.. for the last time.. i got a st pats tie.. gonna wear white long sleeve and that tie out. hahaha.. i got 3 presents.. gonna have 15 more tmr.. so happie.. mommy's sick.. haiz.. im an unfillial daugh.. god pls bless my mom.. she's the best mom i ever had.. thanks for not dumping me or giving me away 13 years ago..

im more sensible than u thought
though i look childish..
u're not even older then me, don'te use words like that on me
use that on urself.. wtf
oh ya thats my life.. none of your business..
i hate ppl to say smth like that, when they mean nth to me..
oh ya, i've always planned my future well..
oh, thanks anyway..

me to you.

2006-06-25T13:20:00.000-07:00

you made my day.. u reallie did.. im having headache now.. trying to digest that few blogs..i just cut my hair... i want to shave botak pls.. its ugly.. but they trying to convince me that i don'te look bad.. i don'te reallie look bad..
i shall not share wat happened just now.. wat happened shall keep it in my heart..
haiz, didnt know u haven recover..
poor thing..
sorrie, bought too many sweets..
cause i don'te know wats your favourite..
first thing came into my mind..
i just want u to recover soon..
just want to let u know,
i reallie care for you,
every care and concern i give,
comes from my heart,
its never fake,
i only hope,
my true care and concern,
will touch u one day?
will there be that day?

if im uncle, that u shall be my auntie okay? smiles..

you're so cute pls..
ahhhh!!! hahahaha!!

jae only wants everyone to be happie.

2006-06-22T13:07:00.000-07:00

just reached home.. another supper.. im gonna be a fat lion in no time.. feel like asking teo to go gym later.. but i doubt anyone of us will be able to wake up.. todae went out with joy and jo.. went to town.. wow, its been a long time since i went fareast shopping.. just going to check my tattoos price.. didnt check, cause they look rather unfriendly.. the two keep talking abt JESUS,MARY,GOD,CHURCH!!! bla bla bla... plus DA VIN CI CODE.. headache.. missing her in my head.. worrying her in my head..
went to pasta mania to have alfredo and carbonara.. so nice.. yum yum.. ilips licking good.. hahaha.. down to bugis.. cinni is boring.. joy bought a bag.. a nice one.. for sch... some fucking problem happened.. till now i believed, his reallie the only one who understood how i felt.. if u know i mean.. not gonna rake up the past.. why? darling, why do u wanna feel howi felt? why do you ask god smth like that? silly.. haiz..
actually when we went out, it isnt tat boring.. im just blogging for fun.. bdae's coming.. not excited at all... when u know u have to pay money and bla bla.. it just sucks..
To: my cliques.
not to be mean, lets not celebrate my bdae yup.. not that i wanna be alone.. just send me wishes.. i will be very happie.. no tat i wanna spent with chickens or classmates.. i don'te know wat will happen that dae.. but i don'te something boring.. i wanna do smth that i felt happie abt.. so yup wishes will be good.. don'te waste money on presents too.. becoz i know im a difficult person to get present for.. don'te bother abt anything... moreover, its difficult to get wat i want..
sorrie if im rude or too straightforward... please accpet my apology.. buddy, if anyone see this, pls pass it around.. im not gonna send any message.. sorrie for the inconvenience and trouble..

im very tired now..
i wanna sleep..
hope u're fine.. wanted to buy a helium balloon and a bear and asked jo or hazel to give to you.. but don'te bother.. want to go take a look at you.. also scare... im scare u will hate to see me..

im worried, maybe sad.

2006-06-21T23:50:00.000-07:00

when feng called and said you're sick.. my first reaction was:huh? how come? very worried till my face look constipated. haha.. thats wat uncle zainal said.
thinking of bringing u to see doctor..
but i think u will reject me..
thought of getting u some med or smth..
im scare u have drug allergy.. i don'te want u to end up like my daugh..
thinking of getting u flowers..
i scare u think too much..
thought of giving u a bear with a helium balloon..
chickens scold me mad..
my creativity cells died.. i have no idea left..
not gonna give u anything..
just hope u take care..
drink loads of water..
have plenty of rest..
wanted to message u that, if not feeling well, don'te go to work..
but i think don'te need.. u will only reply me half way..
stop sigh-ing.. u're getting older each dae..
trying and forcing myself to give up..
why didnt u reject me straight? doesnt it make your life better..
and my heart less hurt?

happie birthdaes to my buddies and superwoman

2006-06-18T11:57:00.000-07:00

firstly happie birthdae keane, happie birthdae cyrus, and happie birthdae yang the superwoman, and happie birthdae to peggy and happie birthdae to jae jae.. > i just came home not long, been stuffing rice, cauli,celery, bittergourd into my mouth.. and chewing like a fish.. hah, i just met fishie, yang, chef faz,yani,yana,fil, yang's new bf, riduan, rajan. oh ya 3 more daes rajan bdae..
im starting to talk nonsense again..
im gonna sleep.. will be talking in detailed later on..

i missed you.. can i have a picture with you for my bdae wish?
please?

1 special entry

2006-06-13T10:46:00.000-07:00

i just finished some unfinished ikan porridge.. yucks.. but was superb hungry.. finally i decided to blog.. after MOS, i fall sick.. until now, im alot better.. recovering.. just had a gathering with the big grp.. a bbq at east coast, its a memorable one.. we had like rambo rock? 2 ppl in 3 legs games, soccer.. but was spoiled by the weather.. i still rmbed wat i said to daugh and priya abt cycling... its definitely a very relaxing thing to do.. i did relaxed, throughout the way cycling with nu you and nu ren... haha.. had fun..
todae its nu ren's bdae, called her on the way home till it struck 12.. yup, i guess this yr's bdae will not be as fun as last.. i can feel it.. things will never be the same again..
hmmm, went down to towner.. smiles.. saw my miss cutie.. she made me blushed like tomato.. thats wat they described me as.. on the way, pinky came along.. haha, is teo la.. i ordered him too.. they all left us alone.. so i pulled him along.. we were talking abt a r/s problem that is going on..
my gf is coming back to work... he's my biggest challenge... seeing everything, i don'te know.. i doesnt want to put my hopes so high and had a great fall again.. very tiring.. basically, im feeling rather low.. thinking lots negative stuff.. to actually prepare myself..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NU REN!!

im slowly falling for you
i know u know, i also know
i saw something special in you that no one else saw
only i saw, onlyi know
because im being true to you

2006-05-29T09:48:00.000-07:00

quite a few incidents happened todae.. jo, went to police station.. this sound rather serious right.. she went to take her IC, she just told me in the morning and expect to acc her to yck police station.. basically the last to know, at least u tell me earlier i will take off or work at a later time.. maybe jae's very lagged over here. stick with my chickens too much.. im trying to be sacastic.. if u can tell.. wanted to go at a later time, becoz of u, my buddy.. im sorrie, i cant make it.. coz they are very lack of staff.. at least nothing happened to you.. like wat will happen to you..
todae joy had mother tongue exams, i didnt know.. i even went to his house.. only until i went to work and asked ken.. he said they had their mother tongue papers todae.. i was shocked.. i couldnt contact him, but did sms him.. wonder if he received..
nothing much happened when working, its just superb stress, pls.. trying to swallow everything down.. until shakina came back!!! its definitely fun to have her back pls.. its been boring my life if there arent shakina and manp.. everyone is leaving.. had lots of fun with shakina and manp.. fei acc me to have my break, were having bung talk.. sort of it.. some small things happened.. but its settled..
i reallie hate this entry..
i have this feeling, that i might be losing someone, maybe not someone, maybe everyone.
mentally tells me,i shouldnt bothered.
becoz im very tired.. very tired..
if ppl wana be selfish. jae also can..
i've been too generous..
its time to be selfish..
too stubborn to even tear.. so difficult to breathe..

im so sick of everything..

say something happy..

happy birthdae lao pa!! my real lao pa..
i love u, lao pa..

happie birthdae siti!!

oh ya folks, i have 2 MOS tics.. anyone interested.. its free.. some gundo and lame shit paid and didnt wanna go.. call me if u want.. if not im just gonna throw into the bin,or give to someone i don'te know, but need it..

miss cutie

2006-05-27T09:16:00.000-07:00

sad sad sad sad sad sad.. ham left for taiwan, maybe im abit tooooooo lagged.. he will only be back in year 07? thats next year... thats also chutx year.. 2022.. wow seems very far to me.. can i live till that year? will i still rmb im mr 22? depends..
i just called pb, its very noisy over there.. i just wished her happie birthdae.. supposed to go to her chalet tmr, but ya know, i have been negecting my family alot.. and tmr's a sundae.. its kinda difficult for me to chose.. somehow or rather i would rather work tmr.. save the explainations.. im always sanwished.. never fails to get sanwished..
went to towner todae with teo, i saw auntie.. smile widely.. shant call her that, but i can't find a nicer name for her.. how? let me think.. hmm call her miss cutie.. since, everyone say she look very cute.. i agree.. actuallie was supposed to look for hazel to pass her the tics.. she's not at towner, but ya i got a chance to see my miss cutie.. i just hope, wai mun didnt tell her anything.. if not, i don'te know hw to face her..
although we didnt talk, looking at her work, i feel a sense of bliss.. and yup she's not messy anymore.. getting prettier huh?

yes la tong lei, u're right. im starting to like her.. but just couldnt bring myself to say so.. becoz i don'te reallie know her that well.. don'te wish to repeat history..

no fate and jae freedom of talk

2006-05-24T13:04:00.000-07:00

wat a long title right.. combining 2 post into 1.. thats why.. ytd working 4-10 todae.. bro called me in the morning.. around 12 i called him backed, he got hols.. so asked him out to have lunch and stuff. bought boxers, cause my boxers have too many holes already.. haha.. was fretting over, wat to buy for vonne.. but yea, still did manage to buy something.. suddenly when i was choosing my boxers colour, darren called me said her jas go siao, keep screaming and shouting, wants me to help him and stuff.. but was kinda shock.. then suddenly he put down the phone.. was pondering, but didnt, in fact i went to have my heavy lunch.. my favourite alfredo.. pastamania..got alot of ij gals, cedar gals.. josh had a great time oogling at gals.. hahaha.. i didnt.. coz :).. too high maintenance fee.. hahaha.. and some other reasons.. acc him around to pay bills.. talked abt gals.. bla bla..
went to work, saw manp, i told her i had a crush on a gal, i even told her the name.. but she didnt know who she was.. but she still guessed her way through.. i don'te know why am i so shy? saw bunch of gals will just feel very uneasy.. don'te want to talk abt it.. so sad, went down to towner, thought that auntie is working.. she didnt, but she came.. and went off when chicken place closed.. sigh.. thats explained why its no fate..
my blog spoiled, thanks to hazel.. she amended my blog.. thank u so much.. asked u to do so much when u're already so tired.. other then thank you.. i think i will have to get u a big prezzie on your bdae.. the gals went to upload songs and the guys and bungs went to play pool.. was too sleepy after reading archie, so didnt played.. pa gay came and his gang.. laughing and joking abt teo.. they wanted to play with teo..

jae freedom of talk.. means wat jae wanna sae.. happie birthdae to eileen chen, orange.. missed her.. happie birthdae vonne, angel. met josh to bugis village to look for bags.. talking abt Da Vin Ci code on the way.. he watched the show, i read the book.. heard the ending from joy.. had a argument.. small one.. brought him to chapter 2 to cut hair.. he looks neater and more up to date.. also to bring his moral up.. supposed to meet tiff and kyenn at doby.. but they were late met at fish and co instead.. josh acc me.. now thats the joke.. we saw vonne and group, then janice backview look a bit like coven, and he asked me: jae is that coven? i answered: with just a glimpse and said ya ya.. he went shouting coven! coven!coven! and no one turn.. i went laughing.. and he felt embarassed.. he was angry with me.. hahaha..
wanted to wait for tiff and kyenn, coz feeling awkward to just go in like that. don'te reallie know everyone.. waited till, josh got irritated and begin to disturb me more.. until i got frustrated and went to pass her the present and tiff and keynn came.. fish and co, a fish place.. jae don'te eat fish becoz, my buddy is fishie.. and i hate that fishy smell and slimy taste of it.. but still order fish and chips.. had some fun.. listening to music, joke with tiff and keynn.. ate cake, smoked.. bla bla bla.. took group pics.. went PS.. somehow i felt that its vonne's bdae,bu it seems like just a normal outing, did anyone like asked where she reallie wanna go? although its only her 16th bdae? i don'te think she looks like the star of the dae.. anyway, just wat i see.. i don'te feel that she's reallie happie.. she's just like thanking everyone for eveything.. did u even enjoy your bdae? my intuition tells me u're not.. am i right?
sorry a disturb here: tiff videoed call cyrus, cause we wanna show her the shoes.. it looks rather cool to videoed call.. oh ya buddy chutx, where's ur tag board? why did took it off? coz i was the last one to tag, and after that its gone.. izzit my fault?

on the way home saw fishie and vp's collegue, so happie.. but the one i missed most is yang.. i missed her lots of qns.. pls asked me to cork.. i will be very willing to.. just asked me.. thats all.. i gonna go bath..

i miss u guys alot..i meant everyone whom closed to me.. never leave jae pls..

auntie

2006-05-23T09:57:00.000-07:00

i was stuck on my chair, thinking abt all the things i wanna talk abt on my blog..while i was having my supper half way.. not just that day.. everyday i walked pass that bus stop, i will try to notice whether anyone in black is standing there.. as i was thinking and walking, hah i saw buddy chutx, going to vp.. its been along time since i went to vp and its been a month plus since i last saw yang.. the superwoman..

oh zero was home this morning.. omg, she became so skinny.. she barks non-stop whenever somethings happened that she couldnt see.. finally i had enough of sleep and now, im super awake.. finally my schedule is changed back to like 4 to 10.. not full shift anymore.. not so many at least..

back to my supper, i love to change topic.. mom insist to keep dinner for me.. the reason why i was stuck on my chair, coz i doesnt like to eat healthy food.. not actually healthy when the veg turns yellow.. and when drinking the soup i saw one ikan bilis stuck in between my fork.. i got disgusted.. im scared of swimming ikan bilis.. but not fried..

i feel that this entry is very scatter.. so bear with me..

ytd went down to towner.. saw 'auntie'.. haha i like to disturb her.. she's got a very funny voice, it doesnt suit her face at all.. finally her hair wasnt that messy.. she was my gf, ex gf.. it does sound very messy to ppl doesnt know what im talking abt.. then she was complaining abt me saying that she look like 'auntie' to hazel.. when john and me just reached towner.. hazel got a shock.. haha.. then when i was sitting down with teo, arguing with him abt something, then 'auntie' say "i like her voice", and she gave me that look.. i didnt answered back..

slowly, my yearn and love for you has decreased.
i hope its not instant.

i don'te know why i feel extremely shy to tell teo that 'auntie' looks kinda pretty.
today went down to towner, thought 'auntie' got work, but never..
i have infatuation on 'auntie' i think..
don'te dare to say becoz i think i feel inferior..
at the same time, have a feeling that... sigh
nevermind..

2006-05-18T00:36:00.000-07:00

im just jumping around my house, coz shan my music.. nicee!! this month is may.. sure to broke, got this bdae, that bdae.. more than my 10 fingers can count.. can i just get candy for everyone? hahaha.. so cheapo.. haha.. feng's chalet was a disaster, she was superb high, jumping and dancing around.. i didnt drink much coz the night out with cliques had 6 shots and vomitted in taxi.. haha.. drank a few cups only.. ong was drunk.. have to take care of him.. he was scolded by best fren.. so poor thing.. fu yo, we nearly threesome please, ong ran to donnoewhere, bestfren came on the bed and started hugging me and stuff and ong jump on to the bed and hugging us.. i was shouting.. and teo, hazel and van was laughing like shit..
why was the chalet bad, not enough beds for everyone.. and feng asked alot of ppl.. got chickens, her best frenz, her outside fren, bla bla bla.. it made me give up the thoughts of having chalet.. too many ppl.. fidel having chalet, maybe i will celebrate with him.. i really have no idea wat to do on my bdae!! i still have 1 month plus to think abt.. we bombed feng.. we threw water bombs at her!!! hahahaha.. so funny.. had some fun though..
todae went to laselle to pay my fees, just hop on to bus 12 not long.. a lady seated beside and ah gong stood up and nearly fall on me and sat beside me.. i just find her weird thats all, she sat so close to me, where there are so much space over the other side.. and she kept scratching her legs, like trying to show me something.. lucky its just very near.. wanted to visit my daugh.. but yea, going to be late for work.. so yup didnt make it.. my baby fren came todae, he's so cute la.. his name is andreno curt, wat a nice name.. he loves to bite my cap, my phone.. didnt knoe they taste better than his fries.. and he loves slap my cheeks.. hahaha.. see him on friendster.. he should be uploaded already.. i meant it should be uploaded already..

when i thought i saw u,
i quickly rushed in,
just to avoid u,
phew, it wasnt u..
i wanna see u badly..
but im just too stubborn..
just jae..

choo's bdae coming..

jae's joke abt old times

2006-05-01T11:27:00.001-07:00

if i pop by at your cafe.. means i miss you terribly bud.. thats why i dropped by.. not saying it becoz im too shy.. having your company, brings my retarded-ness back..
if i pop by at your boutique.. means miss you terribly daugh, and i know you're very stress.. giving u a stalk of flower and causing your freezeer to look like a garden, is to brighten up your gloomy dae, to tell you that when u c jae, u must be happy..
when bro, i asked u wat happened, whenever u wrote your blog, means im concerned.. and i doesnt want u to bottled up.. i wanna u to share, like all of us did..
pandi, the one who always fight with me.. i like to hear u laugh, its very addictive.. and you laugh at the tiniest joke.. and the answer 'anything'.. it just makes me feel very happie too..

sammies... let's be frenz till we're old and haggard, with wrinkles and saggy breasts and denturesand white grey hair and jae with her walking stick, small eyes with large specs and flowery hawalian shirt with a baggy tights and a macdonald grey hair.. hahahaha..

i've gone bongases.. i have lost my brain, i cannot spell..
sleeping time..

jae's joke abt old times

2006-05-01T11:27:00.000-07:00

fact from the heart..

2006-05-01T10:59:00.000-07:00

i don'te know what title to put.. just left it blank.. have been exhausted, lack of sleeps, muscle cramps, bad cough, knee hurts, got fucked and everything.. so yup, jo thats why i apologise.. my brain wasnt functioning.. i have too many things in me.. thats why i wasnt there for you... thats why i sent you sorry.. you got it? being your buddy and i couldnt be there for you.. i felt real bad this few daes.. am still not in good shape.. so i rather, joy will help you.. at least i think he know u better..

coming to why must i make myself exhausted? its not like i have to sell chickens overnight.. its not like im selling babi.. its not like im working in vp with our superwoman.. i just doesnt want to go home and face the tv or com alone.. jie is never home.. zero is not home too.. i miss them.. and me, i have to talk to myself, at times to console myself.. at times i felt like crying.. i have no one except myself.. i rather come home during dawn, when i can hear sound of mom washing dishes and clothes in the kitchen, and hear dad's and mom's voice.. and smells mom's perfume.. and when i woke up.. im all alone..

incident where u've a bro and a buddy who's in trouble.. who will u help first? i was reallie sanwished.. so tired..

having different group of frenz, if i have to open a fucking chalet, is no difference from clubbing.. they will be in seperate places.. they just don'te link.. that leaves me with' i don'te know hw to celebrate my bdae'.. i got no clue, wat to do.. except for having a tattoo..

below are just wat i reallie wanna sae, never wants to pinpoint anyone, so yup, don'te assume is anyone of you who reads my blog..
having too many frenz can be a real pain in the ass
they can be spices to my life..

jae is just plain tired..

for darren

2006-04-26T12:32:00.000-07:00

its 3 plus in the morning, just had my bath, currently ying down on my bed, typing blog.. this blog is for darren.. becoz he's going court like todae later at 11am..

Darren..

si ah pui.. i won't take care your gf for you, becoz i want you to take care of her instead. becoz u noe her better.. and you are supposed to take care of her.. not us.. im sure u will be fine later on.. you've got my blessing.. being your fren, i doesnt want to see you in.. even if u did.. i wont despise you.. just hope u turn over a new leaf.. promised your gf, us that u won't do smth that stupid again yup.. she cried for you so much.. only 2 months, and bet u 2 have been through quite alot.. u told me u wanna take care of her till the end of time, so keep that promise.. and she's the first gal, among all your ex that you cried for.. cherished wat you have..

tmr, just say the truth, sorry cant be there for the hearing.. hope u will message us wat happen yup..

we stil have alot of craps to talk abt.. alot of bottles to kick when we ton.. got a lot of stingray to eat.. got alot of gals to oogle.. alot of ciggs to smoke.. lots of venom blue to drink.. got many pools and number ball to play.. got our cafe to open.. got our own house to stay..many things undone.. we need each other, so as to psycho each other yup.. and yup the DARE, i dared u..

thats all i wanna say to you..

i had sex on the beach

2006-04-23T09:18:00.000-07:00

it was rather sweet at first

it was my first time

but after sometime
she got me high
i couldnt resist it
so i didnt stop, thus
ended up with more
i sucked it till the end
and i wanted for more
but it was getting late
and i was asked to stop

it was a thrilling moment,
it was chilly at times,
but when she went down to my stomach,
i felt the warm,
it was so irresistable,
the taste of her is still in my mouth,
hey babe, when can i have more?

i don'te understand..

2006-04-21T13:39:00.000-07:00

izzit so difficult to have a clique outing? i was fucking pissed by that hours ago.. at first i was angry with darren breaking up with jas, and jas message me to take care of darren..second message from priya saying she cannot come for syf.. third message, my fren pregnant again.. need bucks for abortion.. oh jesus.. im just on my way to shaw and so many freaking probs came up.. arrggghhh.. angry!!!! i made my daugh cry.. i teared too.. my chicken frenz saw.. i scolded them.. and apologise.. drank and ate near hazel hse.. played pool and number ball..
yawns im very sleepy..

before my batt flat, let's talk abt my dream gal..
she wore braces
she has tanned skin
she has a beautiful smile
she has a good figure ( that i can't be bothered)
she has 2 rosy cheeks
she has long hair ( i don'te know how to describe becoz its not wavy nor curly)

will i get her before my birthday??
if i ever get her, she will be my best birthday present..

dream on, jae

my apology

2006-04-20T06:01:00.000-07:00

im sorry little angel..
i don'te know will you read my blog a not.. just typing to try my luck.. coz i know you won't reply me.. so yup shan't call or message you now.. anyway got no voice..
we didnt mean it.. so sorry..

hope you will settle down and study..
and stop eating so much fried food..
drink more PLAIN water..
remember to take your med yup..
must finish ur antibiotics yup..
take care..
i still hope u a prata treat..
will give u this treat after your mids are over yup?
promise ..

thats all for my entry..
its time to take med..

jo's going to bintan tmr, so is joel..
jo encourage me to go back to the doc again..
pay another 22 bucks.. no way!! unless is doc chua
not that old lady pls..

i also feel like leaving singapore for a few daes..

stonned

2006-04-16T10:07:00.000-07:00

everytime, this happens, i got a whole lot of stuff to talk abt.. and when i have the time to get my ass seated to write something proper. i couldnt.. maybe i shld shut down this blog too.. get another new blog starting afresh? too many stuff happened.. random thoughts..

tired

2006-04-09T00:30:00.000-07:00

im physically tired. mentally sick.
i haven been writting a proper blog.
what if i tell you i know everything. you believe?

`gone to sell chicken.